Valkyrie Crusade: Mishaps in the Celestial Realm!
by Essay King of VC
Summary: The Celestial Realm is known as the (seemingly) most beautiful place in the whole of the universe. Well, then how does ALL this happen? Follow the Lords (One, actually) as they (he) try to live in peace in their (His) castle, while being pestered by their (his) Valkyrie (Valkyries). (Rated M for light (Sometimes not light) sexual content. No lemons or anything close to that).
1. Introduction

*Okay guys, this is my first ever story published in . I don't really know much about the 'Publish' feature but I'll learn along the way.. Before I can continue with the story, I have to tell you the OCs that will appear:

**_Shawn 'Donut' King_**: A Lord in the 'Celestial Realm'. A powerful veteran and a silly pervert. If you want to imagine him, just try to think of a normal guy with spiky hair (Anime style!)

**_Miss_****:** Shawn's Advisor, alongside Oracle. She and Oracle are both twin sisters (although Miss does have somewhat larger breasts (An inch larger?)), but she is not a Valkyrie. More outgoing than her sister.

That's all the OCs you'll see. Welp, hope you follow my misadventures.

*P.S. Disclaimers: Valkyrie Crusade is owned by Nubee, not me. All events happening in this fan-made story do not happen in the game. All OCs do not exist in the game, nor do they appear in any other VC-related media. Please support the game by playing it and paying who-knows-how-freaking-much for super-expensive-jewels. Please disregard the last few words of that sentence.*


	2. Summoning: New Girl 'Serket!

(Shawn and Miss are in the 'Room of the Magic Circle', summoning new Valkyries to help them.)

Shawn: *Eats a piece of candy*For all this time, I don't think I've ever truly seen an ugly Valkyrie. Can you explain to me as to why that hasn't happened yet?

Miss: Does it look like I know? Besides, there isn't a Valkyrie with a disgusting sense of fashion.

(Miss puts her hands above the Magic Circle, and summons a Valkyrie. The room is enveloped in light, and the new Valkyrie is…!)

Both: SERKET!?

(The two look in shock and disgust)

Shawn: Are my eyes bleeding yet?

Miss: No, but I think mine i- *Chokes*


	3. Melons, melons, Watermelon

(Watermelon and Shawn are in her room, doing… something)

Watermelon (Close up to face view): Look, Master, I have really ripe, big, juicy watermelons today!

(Shawn looks in glee at the (unseen) sight, his mouth drooling)

Shawn: Whoa, they are really big…

Watermelon: Heheh, want a taste?

Shawn: *Pervy smile* Oh yes…

(His hands reach out to the 'melons'. Suddenly, when it looks as if he was about to grab her breast, he grabs a round watermelon instead)

Shawn: Wow, this watermelon is so shapely. They must be the biggest melons in the world!

Watermelon: Maybe they are!

(The two joyfully laugh like madmen! Miss is outside, watching the two)

Miss: *Sad, crying chibi eyes* Why I no get invited…?


	4. The Unbreakable Nougat! Part 1

(Shawn is in his 'Royal' room, reading a gaming magazine with an 'interesting' cover while he lies on the bed.)

(Candy bursts through the door)

Candy: Hey, Master! Look, I made an unbreakable piece of nougat!

(She jumps on the bed and shows him the nougat)

Candy: It's enchanted with magic, so it won't break!

Shawn: *Unimpressed look* Give it to me.

(She gives it to him)

(He holds it in his hand, and squeezes it a bit)

(It breaks)

Candy: *Sad face*NOOO!


	5. Summoning: New Girl 'Ribbon Girl!

(In the Magic Circle room)

Shawn: *He is drinking tea* Wonder what Valkyrie we'll summon today.

Miss: Yeah, now give me the sacred ticket.

(Shawn hands her a Premium Summon Ticket)

Miss: Okay, now, after I convert this ticket into magical energy, I will try to summon a powerful Valkyrie.

(After a while, she summons…)

**RIBBON GIRL!**

Shawn: *Mouth gaping in surprise* O_O

(He pulls out a scissor, surprising the two)

Miss: HUH!?


	6. The Unbreakable Nougat! Part 2

(Shawn is still in his room reading a different gaming magazine on the bed)

(Candy, once again, bursts in through the door)

Candy: Hey! I did it! I casted the right spells! Now the nougat is unbreakable! Try to break it!

(Again she jumps on the bed and gives him the nougat)

(He squeezes it, but it doesn't break)

Shawn: Huh?

(He squeezes harder, but it doesn't break)

Shawn: -_-… This… Is… WAR…!

(Now he is with the Valkyrie 'Zombie'. He takes out the pickaxe on her head and tries to break the nougat with it)

Shawn: *Swings down* Come on, break!

(It doesn't break)

Shawn: Next…

(Now he is trying to break it with Colonel's gun. The Valkyrie only watches in the distance)

Shawn: Ready… Aim… Fire!

(The gun fires until there is no ammo left. The nougat is still safe and sound)

Shawn: Next…

(Now he has Maidryl trying to break the nougat with her drill)

Maidryl: *Drilling on the nougat*I think my drills gonna break!

Shawn: *Helping her stabilize the drill* Nah! Your drill's too powerful for that!

(The drill suddenly cracks)

Both: HUH!?

(Later he has Gaap next to him)

Gaap: So you wish for me to speed time on the candy-

Shawn: Nougat.

Gaap: *Rolls eyes* -Nougat- just so you can break it?

Shawn: Yeah.

(She speeds up time until the nougat is three million years old)

(It's still the same)

Shawn: O_O. No…

Gaap: Mold…?

(How he is with Magma and a pool of lava)

(Magma dips the nougat in the lava)

(It doesn't melt)

Shawn: *Raging* WHY DON'T YOU DIE ALREADY!?

(Now he is with Alien. Both of them have sunglasses on.)

Alien: Ready the laser beam. *Presses button* Please stand back a bit.

(The laser shoots, but doesn't even cut it one bit)

Alien: *In shock*

(She is suddenly in the corner, depressed)

Alien: W-what power is this…? My superior technology couldn't even destroy it…

Shawn: HUH?!

(Later, he is in his room, sadly staring outside the window (Wow that escalated quickly))

(Candy appears behind him)

Candy: Hah! I told you! That piece of candy is unbreakable!

Shawn: Oh, okay. You're right… It is unbreakable…

Candy: You know how to break it?

Shawn: How…?

(Candy takes the nougat from her pocket and bites it)

(It breaks)

Shawn: *Shocked to the core* OnO…

Candy: *Chews on the nougat* See?

(He stays quiet for a few seconds…)

(Then jumps out of the window)

Candy: HUH!?


	7. Scissors of Pleasure! The Advertisement

(Miss is walking down the hallway, minding her own business)

(Shawn suddenly appears right in front of him)

Shawn: Hey, Miss! I have something for you!

Miss: Whoa, don't scare me like that!

Shawn: Look! *He pulls out a scissor from nowhere* You know what this is?

Miss: Um, a scissor?

Shawn: WRONG!

(She falls, surprised by his outburst)

Shawn: It's the Pleasure of Scisso- I mean 'Scissors of Pleasure'! You know what it does?

Miss: No…

(Shawn crouches down and glares at her)

(He suddenly pokes through the cloth right between her breast and cuts it)

Miss: Argh! *Covers breast with arm*

(Suddenly, there is a advertisement guy's voice narrating)

?: The Scissors of Pleasure! It cuts fabric!

(Ribbon Girl is reading a book in her own room)

(Shawn suddenly appears behind her and cuts her ribbons)

Ribbon Girl: Wha-!?

?: It can cut metal!

(Andromeda is talking with a few other Valkyries (Although you can't see them))

(Shawn cuts her chains)

Andromeda: IYA!

?: And if used properly, one can cut, dice and destroy any piece of clothing in an instant!

(Shawn then cuts Flora's wedding dress)

(Then Diver's bikini)

(Then Thetis' towel)

(And then Alraune's vines)

((Okay, I'm really stretching this) Then Death's hoodie)

(And last of all, Calligrapher's mini-skirt + kimono top)

(After that, we're back with Shawn and Miss in the hallway)

Shawn: HAHAHAHAHA! This Pleasure of Scisso- I mean 'Scissors of Pleasure' is freaking AWESOME! HAHAHAHA!

(Miss only gives a frown as he glorifies the scossors by doing fist pumps with the scissors on his hand)

(As revenge, he grabs his arm and pulls it down on his face, which…)

(Now Miss is outside the Kingdom Hospital with Oracle scolding her)

_**Scissors of Pleasure**_

_**It's Awesome**_


	8. Summoning: New Girl Kushinadahime

(Shawn and Miss are standing in front of the Magic Circle)

(Shawn is drinking from a small milk carton)

Miss: Do you have the sacred ticket, King?

Shawn: Yeah, just got it yesterday. *Hands her Premium Summon Ticket*

Miss: Okay, I'll convert this into magical energy so I can summon a new Valkyrie.

(She throws the ticket into the centre of the Magic circle, and it starts to shine)

(It summons…)

Kushinadahime: Please to make your acquaintance. I'm Kushinadahime y'know?

(Miss greets her, but Shawn only stares, mesmerized)

Shawn: Wow, you're so pretty…

Kushinadahime: Aw, shucks, don't say that, masta *Playful blush*!

(He suddenly pulls out a ring)

Shawn: Will you marry me?

Miss: WHAT THE HECK!? *Kicks him from behind*


	9. Peeping, the Next Level!

(Shawn is inside a Hot Spring, wearing a towel)

Shawn: Ah, this is the life… *Slides deeper into water*

(A hand slowly wraps around his neck and the Hot Spring Goddess 'Thetis' slowly moves closer to him)

Thetis: Yeah, this is the life…

Shawn: *Relaxed face* …

Thetis: *Relaxed face* …

Shawn: *Rage*WHY THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THE BOY'S SIDE?!

Thetis: Didn't you know this is a mixed hot spring?

Shawn: WHO CARES, GET OUT AND PUT ON A FREAKING TOWEL!

Thetis: Okay, sheesh. *Gets up* But if you want to go to the girl's side, I'm not stopping you.

Shawn: Why would I do that?

Thetis: Because it's no-towel day.

Shawn: O_O…

Thetis: Now take off your towel.

(On the other side, Miss is in one of the many hot springs, her whole body in the water)

Miss: Wonder if King's doing fine…

(Then, there's Shawn's voice from afar)

Shawn: *Faint sound* Oh…

Everyone: Huh?

(He suddenly lands in the middle of Miss' Hot Spring on his back, causing a giant splash)

Shawn: HECK YEAH!

(Don't worry, he has a towel)

Everyone: AAAAAAAAHH!?

.

(Far away…)

.

Bullet Girl: Wonder if I did the angle right...?


	10. Hidden Holiday: BE DAY!

(Shawn is sleeping on his bed. There is a crow of the rooster outside the window as the sun comes up)

(He suddenly wakes up with a huge smile on his face)

Shawn: You know what day it is *:D*.

(He suddenly jumps in front of a giant calendar)

Shawn: Breast Expansion DAY!

…..

(Miss is recording down some records in her room)

Miss: I wonder why my chest feels so warm today?

(Shawn peeks through the door)

Shawn: Suddenly… *Twirls fingers around* TITS!

(Miss' breast expand and it rips the top of her dress (Not her bra, that is) and it knocks some papers down)

Shawn: *Snickers and goes away*

Miss: *Unimpressed face* Well, can't wait for butt expansion day…


	11. When Traps Trap the Trapped

(In Trap Master's room, the door slowly opens, and Shawn peeks in)

Shawn: Why did the other Lords dare me to do this…? Do I really need to get her diary?

(He slowly goes inside and tip-toes through the room)

Shawn: I wonder if they're any traps in here…

(Suddenly, a blade flies near his face, cutting the tip of his hair)

Shawn: OH MY GLOB!

(For the next few seconds, he dodges flames, spikes, blades, bullets, bear traps, trapdoors, a minefield that shoots out cluster bombs, quicksand, piranha pools, crocodile pools, an exploding mat, arrows flying everywhere (How did he not get hit by that?), and finally a cage from the ceiling)

(After all that, he reaches Trap Master's little desk in the far corner of the room, and finds her diary)

Shawn: I can't believe… I did it! *:D* I'm a-freaking-live!

(He grabs the diary, but the mirror on the desk turns around and a giant boxing glove punches him, and he flies through all the traps, getting hit by all of them)

(And now he's in the hospital)

Shawn: Am I gonna be okay, Asclepius…?

Asclepius: Of course. We removed the bullet on your abdomen, took out dozens of piranha and crocodile teeth, pulled out an arrow out of your bottom, bandaged all of your burnt spots, which means your whole body, and with my rod, you got your feet back.

(Suddenly, Trap Master bursts into the room) 

TM: MASTER! WHERE IS MY DIARY!

Asclepius: Oh, that book? Well, to tell you the truth, the bear trap had snapped shut on his hand together with your diary, but because I couldn't take it out to properly administer the cast, I just covered the book together with his whole body. You can get it back in around next week.

(Trap Master is horrified. She suddenly becomes angry)

TM: YOU IDIOT! *Punches him*

Shawn: OW! PLEASE STOP!


	12. The Goddess Confession

(Shawn is walking through the Kingdom Dining Room (It's humongous!))

Shawn: *Notices something* Huh? *Looks back* Hello?

(He sees Leviathan's tail peeking out from the table. She's… Following him?)

Shawn: Leviathan?

Leviathan: U-um, Livvy's not here!

(Leviathan is hiding below the table. Shawn crouches down and sees her. She flinches in fear and hits the table)

Leviathan: AHH! Don't scare Livvy, Master! *Gets out from below the table*

Shawn: What are you doing, stalking me like that?

Leviathan: U-um…! *O/O* I have a confession!

Shawn: … Okay, so what is it?

Leviathan: R-remember the time when you caught me with a rod before I fell to my doom?

Shawn: Oh yeah…

***FLASHBACK!***

(Shawn is standing on top of the highest diving board (Nearly 50 feet in the air), using a rod with a floating tube on the end of the string. Leviathan is holding on the tube, screaming)

Leviathan: Don't you dare let go!

Shawn: I thought you could swim, Archwitch!

Leviathan: I can't swim in chlorine water!

Shawn: You suck!

Leviathan: Shut up already!

***FLASHBACK END…***

Shawn: My hands nearly broke off…

Leviathan: But that's not the point now! The point is, you caught Livvy with one rod.

(She… Slithers (I guess…) closer to Shawn)

Leviathan: And that, in Livvy's eyes, makes you a pro. You can boil me, grill me, kiss me,  
>do whatever you want! As long as I'm with you, Master!<p>

Shawn: O_O… *suddenly puts on chef's hat*

Leviathan: O_O…?

Shawn: *Pulls out fork and knife*

Leviathan: O_O…?!

Shawn: Now take off your swimsuit.

Leviathan: *Throws chair* I DIDN'T MEAN THAT, MASTER!

…

(Shawn has fainted…)

Leviathan: AH! Master!


	13. Saffron's Love Potion

(In the basement, Saffron is mixing ingredients in a cauldron)

Saffron: Yes, my ten years of research and testing are finally at the end! I shall make the perfect love potion! And my first victim will be… *Grabs a picture of Shawn from her pocket* MASTER!

(She scoops up some of the mixture with a flask)

Saffron: Now time to administer it…

…

(In the Royal Kitchen)

(Saffron sneaks up to a pot of stew, dressed as a French chef (complete with a moustache))

Saffron: *Drops flask's content into pot* Yes, now that I have poured the mixture into his dinner, my plan is working perfectly. Now Master will LOVE ME! HAHAHA!

(Then she notices everyone looking at her warily)

Saffron: U-um, b-bonjour! *Runs away*

…

(The Royal Dinner…)

(Everyone is here, waiting for the food)

Saffron: *In thought* _Yes, Master's here! Now he will eat the food and fall head over heels in love with me!_

(The Chef comes in and makes an announcement)

Chef: Good evening, my Lord, today you will be eating the highest class beef stew!

Saffron: *In thought* _The one with the potion!_

Chef: But today is special!

Saffron: What…?

Chef: In fact, today, EVERYONE GETS TO TRY SOME STEW!

Saffron: *In really serious thought* _WHAT!?_

(The waiters serve the food while Saffron watches in terror)

Waiter: Here you go, Miss Saffron.

Saffron: U-um, thanks.

(Further away…)

Shawn: Guys, you can eat first, I'll wait and see if you guys like it.

(Everyone scoops up the stew except for Saffron)

Saffron: U-um…!

(The food is getting closer to their mouths)

Saffron: *On the verge of exploding*

(SO CLOSE NOW!)

Saffron: THE FOOD'S SPIKED WITH MY LOVE POTION! DON'T-!

(Every Valkyrie takes a bite, then they all gasp in surprise)

(They suddenly relax, and hearts fly out of their heads)

Saffron: My potion's that potent!?

Shawn: Err, so what's gonna happen to me…O_O…?

(Everyone looks at him, and they all give seductive smiles)

Saffron: Better run…

(Shawn runs away, with everyone in tow)

Shawn: Oh no, not you too, Serket! Get your claws off me!

(And so Shawn hid for a whole week…)

…

Miss: Hm…? What happened *Wakes up from sleep*

(She walks to her closet, and opens it to find Shawn)

Shawn: *With tattered clothes* GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU MONSTROUS, BIG BOOBED WOMAN WHO TRIED TO SUFFOCATE ME WITH THEM!

Miss: O_O… What was I doing?


	14. Dare or Dare: Slipping Aphrodisiac

(Shawn is receiving his mail given by his comrades)

Shawn: Hmm? *Opens envelope* A dare from the others? Oh boy…

_**Dear Shawn,**_

_**We, from your alliance 'El Biscuito', want you to finish a dare for us. Tonight, while all your Valkyries are eating, exchange their shampoo with Aphrodisiac. Don't you even say no. Just do it.**_

_**From your super great friend and Alliance Leader , Yami**_

Shawn: What's Aphrodisiac…? *Thinks* Hmm… Oh, I get it!

…

(The next day)

(Shawn is eating breakfast alone)

Shawn: Well, the dare is done. Wonder where everyone is…

(The door bursts open, and everyone rushes in)

Everyone: MASTER!

(They all gather around him)

Everyone: *Angry face*

Shawn: U-uh, what do you want?

Everyone: SOMEONE CHANGED OUR SHAMPOO!

Shawn: U-um, with what…? *Trying to cover evidence*

(Aphrodite comes in from the door)

Aphrodite: Hmm, smells like my rose-scented shampoo…

…

(In the Alliance Hall)

Alliance Leader: Why do I sense failure…


	15. Lost and Found: Teiaiel's shoe

(Shawn is waiting outside the Castle)

Shawn: *Sigh* Where is she?

(Teiaiel comes out from the Castle)

Teiaiel: Hey, Master. So you're gonna play with me today?

Shawn: Yeah. Didn't we arrange for this yesterday?

Teiaiel: Oh yeah. Well, come on, let's play on the swings!

(Later, they arrive at the park)

Shawn: Huh? *Looks down* Where's your other shoe?

Teiaiel: It came off. That's why we have mild weather today.

Shawn: O_O… Oh.

(Teiaiel sits on the swing. Shawn is ready to push)

Teiaiel: Remember, don't push so hard or else my other shoe will come off.

Shawn: And what happens then?

Teiaiel: *Happy face*A storm with winds reaching 200 kilometers per hour will hit the kingdom.

Shawn: O_o…

Teiaiel: Okay, I'm ready.

Shawn: O-okay…

(Before he pushes, he turns his head to the castle, where, in one of the bathrooms, the window is open and someone (Who knows who) is taking a shower)

Shawn: HOLEY TWIN PEAKS! *Pushes full force*

(Teiaiel's swing goes a full 360, and the swing hits Shawn on the head, sending him a few feet in front)

Teiaiel: Ah, are you okay!

Shawn: *Head deep in the ground* Yeah… Don't worry about me…

(He gets up, but sees her shoe is missing)

Shawn: Where's your shoe!?

(They both look up (robot style), and see her shoe still flying higher, and then dropping to the ground)

(Then a storm cloud appears in the horizon)

Shawn: *Poker face of horror* Oh my glob… What have I done…?

Teiaiel: *Poker face of horror* Expect a hurricane to arrive at t-minus two minutes…


	16. Quiet Little Calamity

(A few Valkyries are talking to each other in the Kingdom's 'Living Room', but Calamity is staring at them in a distance)

Calamity: *Sigh* They always chatter without me… Do they not see me as someone to talk to…

(A hand lands on her shoulder, and she finds Shawn beside her)

Shawn: *Smiles* Look at them, talking away while you stay in the corner. Do you feel lonely sometimes?

(She does not answer his question, instead looks away)

Shawn: Oh come on, look at me.

(She doesn't)

Shawn: Look at me now, so I can know that you're listening.

(She doesn't look at him)

Shawn: Well, why don't you talk to them for once? Let them know that you have something to talk about.

(Shawn closes his eyes and gives a big smile)

Shawn: I know you have stories to tell. Why don't you start with telling me something?

(He opens his eyes and finds her face just inches from his)

(He immediately pulls back)

Shawn: Whoa! Now that scared me! Don't do that again, please!

Calamity: Is it true?

Shawn: Huh?

Calamity: That you believe I have something to say, even though everyone says I don't.

Shawn: Well, I know all the other Valkyries do, so why not you?

(Calamity starts to blush, but she easily shakes it off)

Calamity: S-so… What do you want to hear from me?

(Before they start, the other Valkyries start giggling)

The Valkyries: Oh my, Calamity and Master are in a RELATIONSHIP! :D!

Shawn: *Disgusted* Uh, what?

(Calamity stays quiet, but her miasma slowly releases, and the smoke slowly reaches out to a table and it starts to rot, bursts into flames, gets impaled by steel poles coming out from nowhere, and falls down into a hole leading to the centre of the Celestial Realm)

Everyone: O_o…

Shawn: That table was expensive…


	17. The Art of Drinking Tea

(In the Kingdom Dining Room, Shawn is waiting for his tea to arrive)

(After a while, it arrives)

Shawn: Oh, sweet! I'm thirsty.

(He picks up the teaspoon, but something pulls it off his hands)

Shawn: Huh?

Teaspoon: Now, now, Master. I'll stir your tea for you.

Shawn: Um, okay.

(She stirs the tea and adds the sugar)

Teaspoon: Okay, I'm done!

Shawn: *Sips tea from spoon* Mmm, much flavor. I've never tasted tea like this before.

(He slowly drinks the tea using the spoon, but everytime he finishes sipping, he licks the spoon a few times)

Teaspoon: O/O…

Shawn: *Lick* *Lick*

Teaspoon: M-Master…

Shawn: What?

Teaspoon: I-I never knew you were so... Hentai (1)…

Shawn: HUH?! WHAT?! HUH!?

* * *

><p>(1): Hentai is Japanese for 'pervert'. Please do not search it up in google… Just don't… Please… I beg you…<p> 


	18. Midnight Cooking with Forneus

(It is night, every house has no lights, and even the Kingdom Castle is dark. Except for one place…)

(In the Kitchen, Forneus is secretly honing her cooking skills)

Forneus: Hmm, needs more salt… *Sprinkles, the tastes* Okay, it's perfect.

(She turns away to get more ingredients)

Forneus: *Takes cabbage* Hmph, the others say I can't cook. It's all because they have never even seen me cook. How pompous they are! *Takes beef*Tomorrow, I'll show them. I shall beat the Head Chef in a cook-off, and I shall take the title as 'Greatest Chef in the Celestial Realm'!

(While she continues talking to herself, the door silently opens, and someone sneaks in unnoticed)

Forneus: And if I have the chance, maybe I'll give Master some of my famous 'Hot-as-Hell Spice Stew'.

(A hand suddenly lands on her shoulder)

Forneus: *Cringe* A-ah-!

(She turns around, and finds Shawn, half-asleep)

Shawn: Huh…? Can I get… Some water?

Forneus: U-uh, M-Master, what a pleasant surprise!

(He yawns)

Shawn: Water…

Forneus: *Thinking* _Oh, he's too drowsy to know who I am. Maybe if I give him what he asked for, he'll leave me alone. _* Stop thinking* O-okay, Master. I'll get some for you.

(She turns around and gets water for him)

Forneus: *turns around* Here, Master, now go back to-

(His hand places itself on her breast, but he's too sleepy to notice)

Forneus: … … … … …_**WWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT**_?!

(She instinctively punches him on the stomach)

**!DEVIL BUSTER!**

(He faints, with blood trailing out of his mouth)

Forneus: A-ah! Master!

…

…

(And now they are at the Kingdom Hospital. Forneus is sitting outside Shawn's room with Oracle scolding her)


	19. The new Event's FAW

_Response to PolyVC: Okay, I know it's been a long time, but thank you for the review. I really appreciate it, and sorry for declining your Alliance Request. It's just that I have my own Alliance now, all my friends are in it and I can't abandon them. I hope you understand (Unless you want to be in our Alliance (Don't worry, I'm not serious here))._

_(P.S. My dream is to get this fanfic to reach out to the people at Nubee, the makers of Valkyrie Crusade, and I hope they do something with it. Maybe make short mangas in their magazines or maybe… Nah, that'll never happen. I'm expecting too much…)_

* * *

><p>(It's a New Event today (Yay…)! Shawn, Oracle and his team of Valkyries, consisting of Himiko, Leviathan, Lilim, Chocodevil and Uriel, are trekking around the 'Dawn of the Gods' area)<p>

Shawn: *Listens* Whoa, I love this song!

Himiko: It doesn't match my taste. It's too fast.

Lilim: *Yawns* Boring. I'd rather hear pleasurable moans.

(Everyone looks at her in surprise, then looks away)

Chocodevil: Umm, well, I thinks it's okay. I don't like it or anything, but it's okay.

Leviathan: I'll like what Master likes!

Uriel: *Smacks Leviathan on head* Don't shout in public!

Leviathan: OW!

Oracle: Hey, stop hitting the Valkyries.

Uriel: But she is being so destructive!

Leviathan: When was Livvy being so destructive?

(Everyone looks behind them, and they see overturned speakers, burning curtains, broken mics and mic stands, destroyed instruments, and burning lights)

(Arrow Points TO (Drum-roll) …..Leviathan's huge tail)

Leviathan: Huh, how did all this happen!?

Everyone: (Thinking) _Really, you don't know?_

Oracle: Please stop quarrelling; I have had enough of your chatter today.

(They still quarrel)

Shawn: Uh, guys, please stop…

Chocodevil: *Listens* OHMYGOSH! Is that Idol!? *Shrieks* Gotta get an autograph (runs away)

Lilim: *Sigh* Maybe I should just go look for boys… (Walks away)

Himiko: Urgh, I hate this song's speed! *Closes eyes and covers ears*

(Seeing how everyone is not listening to her, Oracle's rage starts to build up)

Oracle: Grr… How does sister dearest go through this everyday in the Castle?

(Unknown to everyone, strange and small probes start gathering above Oracle. After gathering into a large clump, they grab Oracle and start connecting together)

Oracle: H-huh!? Wha-what is this sorcery?!

(The others still don't notice her)

(The probes start to attack her own probes, injecting data into them and causing them to mold into giant probes with all the smaller ones)

Oracle: H-hey! MASTER!

(Shawn looks at her, Uriel and Leviathan stop quarrelling, Chocodevil stops her little autograph session, Himiko starts to listen, and Lilim, in the middle of seducing boys, stops and looks)

Shawn: H-huh!?

(Oracle tries to shake free, but a magical force takes off her headdress, and replaces it with one that has a blue gem in it. When it touches her head, a bright flash of light blinds everyone)

(After the light, the others blink and see Oracle with giant probes and different clothing)

Shawn: O-Oracle?

?: *Strange voice*Oracle? My name is not Oracle anymore…

(The probes start glowing red)

?: I work for the Gods now, for they have chosen a new Archwitch, and that is me. Not Oracle. But 'Oracle Ascendant'.

(Purple balls form at the tip of the probes, and out comes an ice spike)

OA: 'Archwitch Ice Shard'…

(The ice spikes fly to every Valkyrie, even Shawn, but they all dodge it)

Shawn: Oh boy, girls, to Battle Station!

(All five Valkyries gather in front of him, as if shielding him)

Uriel: I sense a spike in power! Reaching HSR or UR levels!

Shawn: What!? Impossible! No Archwitch has ever gone up to a UR level!

(Before Oracle Ascendant can do anything, a large shock causes her to scream in agony)

Chocodevil: W-what's happening?!

Uriel: Wait, no… Something's wrong! Her power level is drastically increasing! I-I think she's-

Shawn: *Eyes filled with horror* A Fantasy…

(The shock disappears, and Oracle Ascendant rises from the ground and slashes at them, causing the ground to split in half, and the others to quickly dodge)

Shawn: *On ground, eyes closed* *Coughs* Hey, you girls okay?!

Lilim: Yeah, but I think I have a cut on my boobs...

Leviathan: *Pulls tail out of debris* I'm okay.

Chocodevil: Ah, my chocolate-y smell! It's gone!

Himiko: My fan! It's broken!

Uriel: Wait, Oracle's presence is slowly disappearing!

(They all stand up from the wreckage, and see that Oracle Ascendant is gone)

Shawn: No… How am I going to tell Miss and Chaos this…?

...

...

(Somewhere far away, in a particular giant Castle, a little girl with a composer's stick is walking through the hallway to a giant door)

(The door automatically opens, and she walks in)

(In front of her are huge thrones reaching to unimaginable levels. On the thrones are the 'evil' Gods)

?: Orchestra, you have arrived…

Orchestra: Yes, my Gods. What is it that you want? Do you want to hear my music today?

?: No, my darling, today is a special occasion. You have been our most trusted Valkyrie since who-knows-when, and we have picked you to be this event's new Archwitch.

Orchestra: *Big smile* Really?! I'm the new Archwitch!?

?: Yes. Seeing how you are so loyal to us, there is no chance that you will turn against us and work for the Lords.

Orchestra: Don't worry, my Gods! I shan't let you down! I shall serve you forever!

?": But I have something else we want you to do.

Orchestra: You mean… Another Archwitch has rebelled and has become a 'Fantasy-classed' Archwitch?

?: Yes, but the strangest thing is that someone other than us owns this Archwitch, with the special spell 'Archwitch Pick', that we once thought only we have. We do not know who picked this Archwitch-turned-Fantasy, but we wish for you to hunt this Fantasy Archwitch, and maybe find out who did it.

(Orchestra turns around, and marches to the door)

Orchestra: Don't worry, Gods. *Evil smile* I'll do everything you say…

* * *

><p><em>Okay, guys, I'll give you a spoiler, I'm thinking of making a fanfiction about the Archwitches and their daily routines. Well, I won't be updating for a while (That's a MAYBE), because I'll be working on the other fanfic (Which I mentioned just now). Hope you liked this chapter. When the current event (17<em>_th__ March 2014-1__st__ April 2014 Celestial Jubilee) ends, I'll post a follow up to this chapter. So get ready, guys, because a wave of funny (and maybe perverted stuff) is coming up next! _


	20. H&H! Rivalry at its Finest!

_Hey, it's been a while since I updated. So today, I'm putting out a new OC. Okay, some of you readers hate OCs, and I know how it feels when you are reading a fanfic and some OC you don't know about just crashes in and ruins the whole fanfic, but my OCs are here for a reason. Without an OC, how does my fanfic have any structure? Does it only center on the Valkyries? If that happened, there would be less stuff to write about. But with a guy OC, then a lot of funny (but potentially perverted) stuff would happen. So even if you guys don't feel interested in my OC, then I'm very sorry, but you just have to bear with it…_

…

(Everyone is gathered outside what seems to be a forest of palm trees)

Shawn: Okay, guys! Are you ready for today's challenge!?

Everyone: Yeah!

Shawn: Are you ready to beat the heat and potentially drown!?

Everyone: YEA-Wait, what?

Shawn: THEN I PRESENT TO YOU *Points to the forest* THE KINGDOM'S GRAND BEACH RESORT!

(The forest parts, and a humongous beach comes into view)

(Everyone gasps in surprise and awe, and they all start running to the beach)

Shawn: Wow, look how happy they all are…

(A young man appears next to him)

?: *Wide grin* Anata wa karera ga mizugi ni iru shiawasede wanaidesu ka? (He's speaking Japanese)

Shawn: Uh… can you speak in English, please?

?: Aren't you happy they're in swimsuits?

Shawn: O_o… *Looks at the Valkyries, then turns back* Good one, Sain…

(The boy gives him a 'thumbs up')

Shawn: Wait, where's Spade? Thought she was with you?

Sain: Oh, she's changing. *Looks away and blushes* Kanojo wa totemo sekushīdearu koto o okonatte iru... (1)

Shawn: Huh? What?

…

(Hresvelgr is sunbathing)

Hresvelgr: Man, it's so hot today… *Put sunglasses on* Don't wake me up…

(Shawn is walking around nearby, stopping near the shore and watching the others playing in the water)

Shawn: Hmm… *His vision starts analyzing everyone* Now where is Aries and her tiny bikini…

(A finger pokes his shoulders. He turns around and sees Hiderigami with a glass of juice on each hand)

Shawn: Hey. *Eyes fixed on her breast* Why ain't you… Um… playing in the water?

Hiderigami: I just came out. *Offers juice* You thirsty?

Shawn: Oh, thanks.

(He takes the glass, and touches her hands. She starts to blush, but he doesn't notice)

Hiderigami: S-so, um, how's life?

Shawn: Why are you asking me that? It's so cliché, you know?

Hiderigami: B-but I was just curious! I mean, everyone's life is different, r-right?

Shawn: So... You just want to know me more?

(She starts blushing more)

Hiderigami: W-what!? U-um, I don't mean it that way! I just…!

(A groan catches their attention and they turn around. Hresvelgr is now burnt because Hiderigami was accidentally making the sun brighter because she was flustered)

Shawn: Hmm, fried chicken wings…

Hiderigami: Uh, I think we should help her…

…

(Hresvelgr is now below a palm tree, her skin still somewhat tanned)

Hresvelgr: Urgh… Sunburns… *Looks at Hiderigami, who is playing with Shawn* Damn you…

(She slowly raises her wings and flaps them, creating a large gust of wind which blows the water and makes a huge wave which sweeps Shawn and Hiderigami off their feet)

(Shawn finds himself on the beach after being swept away)

Shawn: Urgh… What happened?

(Hiderigami is on top of him)

Hiderigami: Ah, y-you okay, Master?

Shawn: Yeah, I'm-

(He sees that Hiderigami's top is missing. Her breasts are just inches away from his face)

Shawn: *Nosebleeds*

Hiderigami: OnO… *Runs away with hands covering her chest* IYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

(Further away, Hresvelgr snickers)

…

(Now Hiderigami is hiding behind a palm tree)

(She gets a flashback where her sister Amefurashi tells her that Hresvelgr made the wave with her wind)

Hiderigami: *Looks at Shawn, who is tending to Hresvelgr* You're lucky I found my top… Time for revenge!

(She uses her power to make the sun very hot. She aims one small dot of the sunlight on Hresvelgr's bra strap, and burns it clean off. The bra comes off, of course, and exposes her not-so tanned breast)

Hresvelgr: Wha-! *Starts blushing*

Shawn: Huh? *Starts nosebleeding*

(They are seemingly frozen… Until Hresvelgr covers her breast with her arms and flaps her wings, sending Shawn flying away)

Hresvelgr: DON'T LOOK!

Shawn: WAAAAAH! *Flies away*

(Hiderigami only looks in shock as Shawn drops into the water, in the middle of a group of Valkyries, with a big splash)

Shawn: *Floating in water, head on the surface* Urgh… *Looks around, seeing every Valkyrie's surprised face, especially Aries'* Oh… I found you, Aries... *Sinks*

Everyone: EH!? MASTER'S DROWNING!?

…

(Now it is night. Everyone is eating a barbeque dinner)

Shawn: So how was your day, Sain?

Sain: Spade sekushīdatta~~~.

Shawn: English...

Sain: Spade was sexy~~~ *Puts on cute cat face*-w-.

Shawn: Er… 'Kay? Where is she anyway?

Sain: She had to leave. Said she got another assassination job.

Shawn: Oh, okay. And… *Looks over to one of the tables* Why do those two look so aggressive…?

(On that table, Hresvelgr and Hiderigami are both snarling at each other while they eat their steak)

Sain: Oh, you don't wanna know…

...

_(1): Japanese for 'She is going to be so/very sexy'._

_P.S. I am using Google translate for the Japanese parts. I know there are grammar errors, but that's how Google Translate is. I could have just asked my Japanese friend to help me, but he's not here now…_


	21. Non-Canon Gaming Session!

_Hey, guys! What's up!? Okay, to answer Poly's question about who the OCs are:_

_You were quite right on a few points. Yes, Sain is my friend, but that isn't his name. It's just the name he uses in VC. And of course, Shawn is ME….. Of course not… He's my friend, actually. Truth is, a month ago (Or two), the very first chapter, the part where I introduce the OCs, I actually wrote that Shawn was my friend (Who is perverted, that is), but he wanted that erased because it would ruin a few aspects of the fanfic. Now it's not there anymore… So, did I answer your question?_

_Okay, this chapter is non-canon. It's just my imagination running wild. Sadly, I can't promise you there won't be another chapter that is based on this one, but if you like it, fine. If you don't, then fine. _

* * *

><p>(Oracle is outside a large magic circle (Which acts as a teleporter), keeping the magic in check. Miss is doing something else at the moment)<p>

Oracle: I wonder what Master is asking from the Valkyrie council? Must be something important…

(A bright flash of light appears, and Shawn comes back from who-knows-where)

Shawn: HUZZAH! *Laughs like crazy* I am BACK!

Oracle: So what did you request from the council, my Lord?

Shawn: Computers…

Oracle: Oh. *Silent for a moment*. Wait, can you repeat that?

Shawn: A whole lot of COMPUTERS!

(Computers start shooting out of the magic circle, nearly burying Oracle)

Shawn: Oh, and internet. *Modem drops on to his hand* Got the council to 'borrow' the fastest internet on Earth. Even got the satellite in orbit already.

(Up in space, a satellite orbits around the Celestial Realm… Actually, it's just floating in a random path…)

Oracle: *Pushes computer away* What are you trying to do…?

Shawn: Well, seeing how there ain't much entertainment around, I thought I could bring out some old-school First-Person shooters or some Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games, or M.M.O.R.P.G for short.

Oracle: But we don't have any electricity for electronics…

Shawn: Oh, but we do have Lightning and maybe we could use Cyborg's excess energy.

Oracle: Do you even think they'll comply with this?

Shawn: Of course they will! Who do you think they are?

(Of course, they agree, and they start giving specific people computers (Only those who can handle the AWESOME-NESS of one, that is))

Dagon: Why don't I get one?

Shawn: NOH! You don't have the experience to use this awe-inspiring piece of tech!

(Later, they start using the computers)

Shawn: Wow, this internet's no joke! I can watch movies that buffer in one mere second!

(Someone sends him a Skype request)

Shawn: Huh? How did they know about Skype?

(Further away, Hacker is helping Miss use her computer)

Hacker: Are you sure you want him as a friend?

Miss: Why not? I mean no harm done, right?

Hacker: Yeah, I guess… Well, time to attend to the others computer idiots…

(Later, they start downloading games)

Shawn: Oh yeah, League of Legends in ten seconds… _(Dota fans are going to get me!)_

Everyone with a computer: *On Skype* What's that?

Shawn: Oh, it's a game that's… How should I put it…? Just go look it up and get it.

Everyone: Okay!

(Later, they all play LoL (Lol…))

Shawn: Is that you, Spenta Mainyu?

SM: Yes, that would be me as Ashe…

(Suddenly, everyone playing in the server appears from the foliage and attack him (He's alone))

Hacker: I'll see to your death with my Evolution turrets…

Pyromaniac: I'm gonna burn you with my bear of awesome-ness!

Nike: I predict that victory will come to me! Right, Sivir?

Hunter: Am I the only Normal-class Valkyrie here…?

Everyone: *Stops fighting* Yes…

Hunter: W-well, Rengar will take your head, today!

(They all carelessly use their Ultimate skills)

Shawn: Oh, not so fast! *With Master Yi, he uses his skill and dodges most of the Ultimate skills*

Everyone: *Faces of extreme shock and anguish*

(Shawn effectively kills off everyone except Spenta Mainyu)

SM: Run away… *Oddly calm*

(Shawn dashes to her and slays her)

_**PENTAKILL**_

Shawn: Yes, a Spenta Kill *SHAWN USES 'PUN BOMB' SKILL*.

Pyromaniac: WHAT KIND OF A PUN IS THAT!? SAY THAT AGAIN AND I WILL KILL YOU!


	22. The Event's FAW Ends

(Shawn is standing in front of a stage, arms crossed. It is night)

Shawn: Where is she… *Breathes slowly*

(He blinks once, and in that moment, he finds Oracle Ascendant in front of him, 'probe blade' drawn and ready)

OA: You have been expecting me, have you not?

Shawn: Yeah… *Stares into her soulless eyes* You kept me waiting for quite some time. Is that not polite?

OA: I know. *Tightens grip on blade* How is your daily life?

Shawn: Oh, it's been fine, trying to stop Miss from fretting over you and all that stuff.

OA: My sister? That incompetent little girl who can never be independent? I expected that reaction from her…

Shawn: Uh, can we stop the talking? It's boring me, you know?

OA: Hmm… It seems that you wish to die quickly…

Shawn: Just swing!

(Oracle swings the blade, but then a bright flash blinds everyone. Someone has blocked the attack)

OA: Who-!

(With a chainsaw on her hand, Chainsaw Girl starts revving it up)

CG: How weak of you. I didn't even need to rev it up…

Shawn: NOW!

(The floor parts, and a giant pair of clasps grasp her and immobilize her.)

Trap Master: *Hops down from roof*Yes! Caught her with my new trap!

OA: You think this simple trap can hold me?

Shawn: Well… Not really… But we hope this is enough for the next part of the operation.

OA: Next… Part…?

(Hacker appears behind the three and walks up to her)

Hacker: This won't hurt at all…

(A holographic screen appears in front of her and she tries to hack into the probes)

Hacker: Hmm… A very tight firewall, but no matter. *Pulls out thumb drive* This 'Death Virus' shall destroy the probes. I have programmed them to not touch the original ones, so I should not even care about you…

(She plugs the thumb drive into a holographic USB plug, and the data comes out as a small, red stream into the blue gem on her headdress)

OA: A-ah… *Sudden shock* AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(Each and every probe starts flashing red as electricity starts fizzing out. The others cover their eyes as the flashing continues)

Shawn: Hacker! Are you sure this will work!?

Hacker: *Looks back* I have no idea… WAIT, OF COURSE I DO! Stop pulling me into your references!

Shawn: Huh?! She's retorting her own actions and words!

TP: Uh, can you guys concentrate on what you're doing?

CG: There's a bit more spark than I expected…

(While the others are preoccupied, Oracle Ascendant forces her arms up, and severs the data line, causing the holographic USB plug to explode, sending Hacker stumbling in surprise)

CG: *Revs up chainsaw* Get back, Master!

(Oracle starts struggling, feeling pain from all the hacking. The blue gem starts to flash different colors, and a bright flash of light blinds them)

(After the blinding glare, Shawn slowly regains his vision, sees Hacker on the ground and runs to her)

Hacker: No… Impossible…

Shawn: What? What happened?

Hacker: The virus… It failed…

(Oracle Ascendant tries to slash at the two, but Chainsaw Girl intervenes for the second time)

Shawn: Now's not the time to talk about that! *Grabs her wrist* Can you stand?

Hacker: *Moves leg* I can't…! Statistics show that my ankles suffered a twist…

Shawn: Well, I've got no choice, then! *Grabs her waist and puts her on her shoulder*

(She starts blushing, but stops when they narrowly missed a sharp piece of ice which cuts the whole stage in half)

Shawn: *At the top of his lungs* START PLAN 'B', NOW!

(A pack of firecrackers start raining down close to Oracle, and they start exploding, causing her to be immobilized by the light)

(Firecracker appears from the bush)

Firecracker: OKAY! She can't move for a while! Now go beat her up!

Shawn: Dragon Goddess!

(A dragon slithers to the skies, coming down to Oracle and binding her with its body. The firecrackers die down, and Oracle tries to struggle free, but a spear touches her neck)

DG: Move and I will damage that frail body of yours…

(Oracle tries to grab her blade, but it's not there)

?: You looking for this?

(She turns around, and sees Spade with the blade on the floor)

Spade: Took it from you when you weren't looking… *Turns to Shawn* Can I go back home now? That idiot might be asking everyone where I am…

Shawn: Yeah, shoo…

(She disappears, and the others approach the captured Oracle)

Shawn: If the virus didn't work, what's next…?

Hacker: *Now limping with a hand on Shawn's shoulder* I don't know… I might need to create another virus that is more potent…

DG: Hmph! That sounds weak, why not just destroy the ge-? *Swings spear to gem, but accidentally breaks it*

Everyone: O_o…

(With the gem broken, it sends a huge shock that starts hurting Oracle, and a bright flash (You should all be blind now…) makes everyone cover their eyes)

(They all open their eyes, and they find Oracle on the ground, limp)

Shawn: Oracle!

* * *

><p>(Oracle wakes up in a hospital bed)<p>

Oracle: Hmm…? What happened…?

(Arms envelop her, and she finds Miss hugging her)

Miss: Don't you dare leave me again…

Oracle: *O-O…* What happened? Where did I go?

Miss: Don't you remember!? You turned into an Archwitch, and we tried getting you back for fifteen days! I couldn't keep everyone calm myself! I was panicking and panicking! Everything was so much harder to do without you!

(Shawn opens the door with a grin)

Shawn: When did you become so whinny, Missy?

Miss: When were you listening, King!?

Shawn: Chill down, calm your mountains. I have something for Oracle.

Oracle: Hm?

Shawn: Can you walk?

(Oracle tries coming out of bed, and she tries walking. Both are a success)

Oracle: Yes, so what is it that you wish to show me?

(He turns around and Oracle follows him)

* * *

><p>Oracle: What is this?<p>

(In front of her is all the probes that attacked her, all inactive and on the ground)

Shawn: You don't remember what these are?

Oracle: No… I have no memory of these things…

Shawn: *Turns to her* Nothing?

Oracle: *Shakes head* Nothing.

Shawn: Well, try touching them, maybe they'll reactivate when you touch it.

(She hesitantly walks up to it, and places a hand on one of the probes. They do not go on)

Oracle: Nothing is happening.

Shawn: Hmm, that's weird… They should react to your touch… Maybe destroying that gem did break the probe's control unit…

Oracle: Maybe… SO tell me, how did I turn into an Archwitch?

Shawn: Oh, that!

(The two continue conversing as they walk through the door)

(The door closes, and one of the probes start to flash momentarily, before each and every probe start flashing)

…

(In the Event Map, Orchestra is running through the place, trying to get back home)

Orchestra: *Panicked face, thinking* _I can't believe it! That Lord actually defeated her! For fourteen days, I hunted both of them down, and I thought I was lucky that the two met, but MY GODS, they were so powerful! I never knew that Lord had that much strength!_

_(_She accidentally bumps intoa group of Shawn's Valkyries, who are just taking a stroll and immediately recognize her)

Hiruko: Hey, is that not…?

Metatron: Yes, that is Orchestra.

Orchestra: A-ah…! *Look of horror* *Turns around and runs away* G-get away from me, traitors!

(Everyone starts chasing after her. After a while, they get very close to her, and they signal to Reindeer Girl)

RG: Okay! *Runs closer* **REINDEER DRIFT**!

(A sled appears, and she uses her body to swing it, hitting her on the leg and causing Orchestra to trip and fall)

Orchestra: N-no-!

(A staff aims at her neck)

Mephistopheles: If you want to escape, why not give me your soul?

(Orchestra starts looking around for a way out, but, of course, there is no way out…)

Orchestra: Oh no… Don't kill me…!

Nicola: Do you think we're that crazy? Of course we won't kill you! We'll take you back to Master.

Orchestra: *O_O* I'd rather give my soul away! Just please, not that idiot!

(Seeing that she was struggling, Nicola grabs her and puts her in her sack)

Nicola: Yeah, and I'm Santa Claus.

Metatron: My databanks show that you are technically Santa Claus…

Nicola: Are you saying I'm fat!? Do I look like I have a huge as heck beard on me!?

Hiruko: Can we just go back… I wish to sit on my reed boat later…

…

Shawn: So…

(Shawn is sitting on a throne, with Orchestra is in front of him, tied to a chair)

Shawn: I've been looking for you for quite a long time…

Orchestra: If you think I'll work for you, you better think twice!

Shawn: Whoa, calm your mountains! Where did you hear that?

Orchestra: The Gods! They told me that every Archwitch was forced to work for you! Archwitches like them! *Glares at the Valkyries next to Shawn*

Shawn: Umm… I forced no one to work for me… They just followed me, that's all.

Orchestra: *Shocked* I-Is this true…?!

Hiruko: Is this the face of a liar…?

Leviathan: I'm here because Master saved Livvy.

Cacao: He liked chocolate, so I followed him back and we became friends after a while.

Orchestra: N-no… Impossible…! How dare you turn your back to the Gods!

Shawn: Whoa, chill down! Look, I hate to say this, but the gods don't own you anymore.

Orchestra: W-what…? B-but they trust me the most…

Shawn: Well, listen.

(A booming voice echoes through the whole Kingdom)

?: **To all the Lords. A new event has been released. We have confirmation on the new Archwitches.**

Orchestra: W-wait, that can't be. I-I'm still here! The event can't be over until I am gone!

Shawn: No, the Gods have already decided. You failed-

Orchestra: HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT!? THEY TRUST ME THE MOST! I WAS THE TRUE FIRST ARCHWITCH WITH THEM, THEY CAN'T JUST ABANDON ME!

Shawn: Well, they did, sorry…

(Orchestra starts weeping, and Shawn signals them to untie her. After untying her, she drops to the ground, and continues crying)

(Shawn rises up and walks towards her. He crouches down and whispers into her ears)

Shawn: Please stop crying. I don't feel very comfortable when near crying people, especially my cry-baby friend.

Orchestra: *Sobs* T-The Gods l-left m-me! I can't g-go back!

Shawn: Then why not stay here. We have everything you need here, your former friends, a place to stay, food, everything. Even instruments.

Orchestra: B-but I don't h-have any f-friends! I n-never bonded with t-them. I c-called them low l-life, and for n-no reason!

Shawn: *Sighs, then stands up and faces the others* Do you guys, I mean girls, consider her a friend?

Everyone: Yeah…

Shawn: come on, girls! Scream at the top of your lungs YES!

Everyone: YEAH!

(He turns around and faces the already tear-drenched Orchestra)

Shawn: Does that not entertain you!?

Orchestra: *Looks up* Y-you… *Starts tearing up again*

(She hugs Shawn and start crying on his coat. He is at first surprised, but he hugs back in reply. Orchestra starts sobbing loudly)

Orchestra: *Sobs* I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

* * *

><p><strong>You have acquired the SR card ORCHESTRA.<strong>


	23. Resisting with Candy

(Shawn is hiding in a bush, binoculars on his face)

Shawn: *Takes off binoculars* So, tell me… *Looks to the right* Resistance, why are we spying on Candy?

(Resistance is beside him, binoculars on her face)

Resistance: Reports say that she stole candy from my men just last week. We must destroy her if we want our plans to go to the next phrase.

Shawn: And what's the next phrase…?

Resistance: To eat candy.

Shawn: *-_-…* Oh…

(Further away, Candy is skipping around and eating lollipops)

Shawn: Are you sure she stole your men's sweets?

Resistance: Of course! My men have been crying for days now because of her! My plans have been delayed for far too long! That abomination right there has to die!

(Resistance rushes out of the bushm ready to attack the Valkyrie)

Resistance: Come here, Candy!

Candy: Huh? *Turns around* IYAAAAAAAAAAH!

(The two ram into each other, sending them into another bush)

Shawn: Umm… What?

(The bush starts shaking erratically, and Candy starts screaming for mercy. After a while, Resistance appears from the bush)

Resistance: Strange, she doesn't have any candy on her other than that lollipop…

Shawn: Wait, so that assault was for nothing?

Resistance: Yeah…

(Candy crawls out of the bush)

Candy: S-so s-scary…

Shawn: Um, sorry…?

Resistance: Hmph, then it seems that someone else has stolen our candy… *Looks around and spots Familiar Spirits* Hey, ISN'T THAT OUR CANDY!?

Shawn: Huh, Familiars? What're you doing here?

(Resistance starts chasing her. She runs away in fear. Shawn follows the two. But unknown to the two, Candy crawls back into the bush, digs through her pockets and pulls out some candy)

Candy: Yes, they will never know that I have them… HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *Eats candy* Mmm, so good…


	24. The Valkyrian Mini Stories 1

**MINI STORY 1**

**THRONES AIN'T A THRONE**

(It is time for DINNER! Everyone's in the Kingdom Castle's Dining Room, eating and talking)

(Thrones is just sitting by herself, thinking about a few things. Shawn suddenly appears and sits on her lap, causing her to blush furiously)

Thrones: **H-HUH!?**__MASTER, GET OFF OF ME!

Shawn: But I thought you were a throne!

**MINI STORY 2**

**WHAT'S IN THE CARTON?**

(Shawn is just walking around the castle (For reasons unknown) and he starts to feel thirsty)

Shawn: Ah, I really need a drink. *Looks around* Hey, when did we get a vending machine?

(He approaches the vending machine and finds out it's his new Valkyrie… With the same name…)

Shawn: Er, hi, Ven.

VM: Hey. You here for a drink? Well, you're lucky, cos' you just earned yourself a freebie!

Shawn: Ooh, that sounds cool, so what's the selection?

Vm: *Seductive Voice* ANYTHING~~~

(Shawn blushes a bit when he sees her seductive face, but he quickly calms down and selects a drink)

Shawn: Milk. And I want it cold.

(Before she does anything, Shawn starts thinking about where and how she gets the drinks from)

Shawn: Hey, I wanna ask you a quest-… O_o…

(Vending Machine pulls out a carton of milk from between her breast, surprising the Lord)

VM: Here, free of charge.

Shawn: *Grabs carton* *Looks at carton* Umm…

(He pokes a straw into the carton and starts drinking)

Shawn: Mmm, it's really nice.

VM: Yeah, and it's nutritious. Cos' it ain't cow milk, it's **human milk**.

(He stops drinking)

Shawn: O_o…

(He checks the ingredients)

**Ingredients:**

**Pure Milk (Automatically produced by the Vending Machine)**

Shawn: OnO… So… This milk is from your mountains?

VM: Yeah. Is that really surprising?

Shawn: O_O… *Starts spitting out milk*

**MINI STORY 3**

**CATCHING PSYCHE**

(Psyche is fluttering around the garden, smelling and admiring the flowers)

Psyche: Heh, today's been such a good day! Hope nothin' ruins it.

(Suddeny, a giant bug net descends from the HEAVENS and catches her)

Psyche: KYAH! Help!

(Shawn appears from a bush, bug net's handle in hand)

Shawn: Look, guys, I caught a giant butter- Oh, hi Psyche.

**DAY RUINED**


	25. How does this work?

**P.S. This chapter has information that is thought up my me and only me. It does not apply in the Game nor does it apply in any other Valkyrie Crusade-related Media. All information is fictional and should not be implemented anywhere else unless they have permission from me.**

* * *

><p>(Shawn is busy writing reports to send to the Council (You don't know who they are? Go read my other fanfics for a small insight). After a while, he starts to think)<p>

Shawn: Hmm… I wonder how Evolution Accidents work…?

(He gets up and goes to find Miss)

(For now, Miss is chatting with a few Valkyries. She feels a pat from behind, and looks back to see Shawn)

Shawn: Hey, uh, can I ask you a question?

Miss: Oh, sure. What is it?

Shawn: Well, *Tries to put words together* How do Evolution Accidents work? I mean, do they, like, transform to a different Valkyrie or something?

Miss: That's actually a good question! Well, you see-

(She starts to twirl around, then a bright flash of light blinds Shawn)

Shawn: AAAHHHH! TOO MANY FLASHES!

(Shawn blinks and finds himself on a seat with a table in front of him (Like a school's table and chair))

Shawn: H-HUH!? OH NO, NOT FIFTH GRADE AGAIN!

(At the end of the room is a giant projector screen. Miss walks out from behind the screen, and the presentation starts)

Miss: Good Morning, class! Welcome to the Valkyrian Academy for Idiotic Lords or 'V.A.I.L' for short. Today, we're going to learn the gears of Evolution and how Evolution Accidents happen!

_**Evolution is when one Valkyrie is infused with another Valkyrie of the same kind to empower her, and this is done with the power of the Magic Circle, the place where you summon your Valkyrie Cards and all that. The Valkyrie who is to be 'evolved' is to channel her power with a Valkyrie Card of the same name and ability together, which will 'supercharge' the said Valkyrie and strengthen her. Oh yeah, and if you're asking where Valkyrie Cards come from, well, they're mainly found when one defeats a soldier of the Gods' Army, like, say, you defeat a Thief soldier from the Gods' Army then you'll get a Thief Valkyrie Card. One can also get special, rare Valkyrie cards from summons. These cards are made only by the Council for evolution. Okay, back to the topic. Once a Valkyrie has infused her power with the card, the card will dissolve into pure magic energy which will be collected by the Valkyrie. If someone evolves a card with a card, it will still have the same effects, so nothing is really different between a real-life Valkyrie and a Valkyrie Card. When Evolution happens, the magic energy will 'update' her skills and even her clothing, changing the fabric's color or even modifying it. Evolution is a perk that only we Valkyries have.**_

_**Still, why don't you evolve your Valkyries, Shawn?**_

Shawn: *Suddenly wakes up from sleep* Huh, what~~!? Oh, why not?

Miss: Urgh, Evolution has its advantages, you know?

_**When Evolution is successful, the Valkyrie will be more stronger and her attacks will deal a significantly higher amount of damage. Sadly, Evolution actually costs gold. Because the magic used to infuse the card and the Valkyrie together is from the Council itself, a small fee is to be paid if one wants to evolve or even summon a Valkyrie.**_

_**Now, to Evolution Accidents: To summarize it all, you're just summoning their twin sisters and redeeming the Valkyrie who just had the accident.**_

Shawn: Wait… *-_-* What?

Miss: Yeah. Evolution Accidents only occur to Valkyries who have twin sisters.

Shawn: Wait, is that why all of my evolutions fail? ALL BECAUSE I PICKED THE VALKYRIES WHO HAD SISTERS!

Miss: YUP! And because of that, you had to summon them all again. I should have told you about them, but I was lazy. And why not?

Shawn: SOOOOoooooooooooo who's the ones that could instill Evolution Accidents?

Miss: Well, its:

(Oh, boy, this is going to be a long list…)

_**Elf and Dark Elf, Summoner and Devil Summoner, Swordsman and Cutthroat, Priest and Dark Priest, Dragon Knight and Dragon Slayer, Wizard and Dark Wizard, Bandit and Idol, Shepherd and Red Hood, Vorpal Bunny and Obariyon, Idler and Super Soldier, Sailor and Mind Flayer, Golem and Guardian, Dark Knight and Paladin, Judge and Inquisitor , Isis and Nephthys, Little Angel and Little Devil, Millionaire and The Poor, Queen of Ice and Queen of Fire, Black Cat and White Cat, Betelgeuse and Black Hole, Leananshee and Medb, Sculptor and Crusher, Weapon Master and Grappler, Police and Prisoner, Doctor and Dark Doctor, White Mage and Black Mage, Michael and Lucifer, Konohanasakuya and Yuki Onna, Amefurashi and Hiderigami, Rapheal and Belial, Venus and Diana, Aphrodite and Astaroth, Aurora and Vesta, Flue and Vaccine and White Night and Polar Night. **_

_**Yup, that's all.**_

Shawn: Wait, how about you and Oracle?

Miss: Oh, *Suddenly pulls Oracle from the shadows* We're real sisters, but we don't have Evolution Accidents occurring.

(She then pulls out Chaos from the shadows too)

Miss: And she's also my sister, born from Oracle's dark self!

Shawn: **O_o… CHAOS IS YOUR SISTER!? OMG, CALL THE COUNCIL!**

Miss: **HUH!? WHAT?! (X3)**


	26. Summoning: New Girl 'Arachne'

(Once upon a oh-so **BEAUTIFUL** time, Shawn was being pulled around by Miss)

Shawn: Wait, why is this chapter starting out like this?

Miss: Well, we haven't been summoning Valkyries for a while cos' you were becoming lazy, so I thought today we could do it again.

Shawn: *-_-* At least give me a snack or something…

(They suddenly enter the Magic Circle room, and Miss throws a can of coke to him)

Shawn: This is water…

Miss: Well, you drank tea before.

Shawn: Hey, tea is a national BRITISH SNACK!

Miss: How is water a snack!?

(Okay, let's stop arguing. Now Shawn is drinking coke while Miss starts summoning)

Miss: Do you have the ticket?

Shawn: Do you have to do this every time?

Miss: JUST GIVE ME THE TICKET…

Shawn: Okay, okay. *Hands ticket*

Miss: Okay, *throws ticket into Magic Circle* now this ticket will convert into pure magic energy for summoning.

Shawn: *Sips from coke* Hope I'm lucky today.

(She summons…!)

(**ARACHNE**)

Shawn: O_o… *Breaks can by squeezing*

(Miss introduces herself and Shawn, but he is strangely quiet…)

Miss: Master Shawn?

Shawn: *Starts tearing up* P-P-P-P-

Miss: Huh?

Shawn: *Suddenly runs away with waterfall of tears* **PETER PARKER! **

Arachne: O_O Who's Peter Parker?

Miss: -_- His dead pet spider…

* * *

><p><strong>P.S. Shawn did have a pet spider before, and he named him Peter Parker. He died a day after he got him… Don't ask me how, I forgot.<strong>


	27. Movie Afternoon: Sandbag of Doom!

(It is the afternoon. The sun is slowly setting. Shawn is coming out of a room with his other Valkyries)

Shawn: Wow, that was a good movie. I'm surprised that the Celestial Realm gets early access to movies that haven't even come out yet!

Hacker: You should thank me for that…

Flatwoods: Hmm… Wonder if… That monster… Exists?

Everyone Else: You developed a crush on him or something?

(Flatwoods turns away and says no, secretly blushing)

Shawn: *Creeps up closer to her* Don't worry, I can buy you a plushie of that monster. Or do you want a three-hundred-and-fifty meter replica so you can hug it?

(She smacks him away)

(He suddenly gets back up, albeit with a bandage on his forehead)

Shawn: It was really nice, but I am quite confused as to why the army needs sandbags to stop a humongous monster destroying San Francisco?

Journalist: Meh, that must've been a careless goof. Now, I'm going to write a review of this! *Runs away*

Shawn: *O_O*Well, she was fast. So, what are your ideas of the sandbags?

*They all look at Colonel*

Colonel: H-huh?! M-me? W-well, it could be s-standard issue and protocol!

Shawn: **OR THE MONSTER IS AFRAID OF SANDBAGS**!

(Shawn starts speaking in a gruff voice, looking scared at the floor)

Shawn: Oh my God! S-sandbags! W-whoa! Not **sandbags**! I'm weak to them! T-those humans are getting a bit extreme, here!

Everyone else: What the heck!?

Flatwoods: No we… Are not… Afraid of… Sandbags…

(He suddenly appears behind her with a small bag of sand)

Shawn: *Puts sandbag on her face* Whoa! A sandbag! Better start run- _**UUUUGGGHH**_!

(Flatwoods uses 'Smack With Sandbag'. It is super effective)

Everyone Else: AH! Don't hit the Master!

* * *

><p><em>Anyone? Anyone know what new movie I'm referencing to? <em>


	28. In the Dark, Dark Woods

(**IT IS THE START OF A NEW EVENT**! (Heck yeah!))

(Shawn is going through the 'Old Woodland Road', with Oracle and his Valkyrie team, Alice, Agreas, Konohanasakuya, Leviathan (He brings her all the time) and Phanuel)

Shawn: Be careful, guys, this is uncharted territory. If we lose each other, we'll DIE!

Oracle: Umm, Master, is that supposed to scare us?

Leviathan: Livvy's not scared when Master's around. He's really brave, right Master?

(Leviathan looks to Shawn, but finds him trembling in fear, trying to keep a straight face)

Shawn: Y-yes, of course I'm b-brave!

Konohanasakuya: Master, where are we? I do not see any flowers of any sort around here.

Shawn: Well, as the map shows-

Phanuel: Didn't you say this is uncharted territory?

Shawn: U-umm, really? Well, must be a slip of the tongue.

Alice: Does a tongue even slip?

Shawn: NEVERMIND THAT! As the map shows *Unfolds huge-as-heck map* we are around… Nowhere…

Everyone: … WAIT WHAT?!

Oracle: Nowhere?! Master, are you reading this map correctly? It should show us where we are!

Shawn: W-well, here's the deal… We went out of the map…

(Everyone's face twitches in horror as they find themselves in the dark forest, with nothing)

Shawn: *Straight face* S-so, should we start camp here?

Agreas: *Throws branch at his head* WHY ARE YOU ACTING SO COOL ABOUT IT!?

* * *

><p>(Later, at night, the group has started a campfire, and they are now putting down their sleeping bags)<p>

Phanuel: Hey, Agreas, why can't you just open a gate thing to send us back home?

Agreas: Well, if I were to do that, you'd all be deformed monsters when I'm done.

(Everyone looks in disgust at her, before looking away)

Leviathan: At least we have sleeping bags, right?

Shawn: *Smiles* Yeah, Livvy. At least we have sleeping bags…

Alice: It's getting really dark. We should go to sleep now.

Konohanasakuya: Yeah. Sad that I didn't see any flowers today. I hope I'll see some tomorrow.

Shawn: You should be hoping to get out of this place tomorrow.

(Later, they all settle in and go to sleep. The moon is very high in the sky, and the campfire is now just embers.)

(While Alice is sleeping, she starts hearing voices in the darkness)

Alice: *Still asleep* Hmm… *Twists* Urgh…

(She starts to hear gargled whispers, forcing her to wake up)

Alice: Wha-? Who said that…?

(She gets up and hears a sound in the shadows)

Alice: H-hello? Is anyone there?

(She takes a step into the darkness, but is suddenly pulled into it, but not before gasping loud enough for Shawn to wake up)

Shawn: Huh? *Rises up* What was that? *Looks around* Hmm, I thought I heard something…?

(Shrugging the suspicion off, he goes back to sleep.)

* * *

><p>(It is nearly morning, but in the woods, the sun doesn't rise, so the group continue sleeping)<p>

…

…

(To think of it, how does Leviathan sleep in a sleeping bag?)

(Okay, never mind that, for now. As the group sleep, Konohanasakuya gets out of her sleeping bag and sneaks off)

Konohanasakuya: Well, now that I have gotten away, time to look for flowers!

(She searches for a while…)

Konohanasakuya: Oh, where are those flowers? If they find out that I left, they'll punish me.

(After another while, she finds a patch of flowers that glow blue)

Konohanasakuya: Ah, there you are! *Grabs bunch of flowers* Wow, you all look so beautiful! I should go back and give them to the others!

(She starts smothering her face with the flowers, smelling their aroma, not noticing the movement darkness behind her)

Konohanasakuya: *Starts noticing* Huh? *Turns around* Is anyone there?

(Silence…)

Konohanasakuya: Hello? He-

(Suddenly explosion)

* * *

><p>(Back at the camp, the explosion wakes up the whole group as they scamper out of their bags)<p>

Phanuel: *With loudspeaker* W-WHAT WAS THAT?!

Oracle: I feel a presence, get ready!

(Everyone looks at the direction of the source of the trembles and explosions, and to their surprise, Konohanasakuya appears from a bush they were staring at and runs into Shawn's arms)

Shawn: W-what, Sakuya!? W-what did you do!?

Konohanasakuya: S-something's after me!

(Before they could ask her what it is, a blast of darkness pushes them all away, making them crash into stuff)

Shawn: *Gets up* Urgh, what just happened?

(He suddenly gets grabbed on the neck by a hand, and is carried out of the wreckage. He comes face to face with an evil face)

?: Hmm, you seem familiar…

Shawn: W-who a-are you?

?: Oh, silly me, I should have introduced myself. I am the beautiful Queen of Wonderland, Ruler of this Forest! I am-

Shawn: *Strangely not affected by strangling* Alice? Is that you? Wow, you have bigger boobs now?

('Alice' tightens her grip and causes Shawn to start choking (For real, this time))

'Alice': This Alice of yours is no more now, you peasant! I am-

(Again, she gets cut off by Leviathan's tail, which she grabs and uses to fling Leviathan away)

'Alice': Okay, let us try again, I am-

(She gets cut off AGAIN by Phanuel, who is throwing rocks and sticks at her. Of course, she dodges most of the rocks and flings one back wit so much force that when it smacked the Valkyrie on the head, she fell unconscious)

'Alice': Well then, I am-

(Again, she gets cut off when she notices Agreas behind her, ready to pull her into a crack in spacetime. 'Alice' shoots a small shadow orb, exploding and silencing the Valkyrie)

'Alice': Let me speak, please. I am-

(Once again, she is stopped, now by Konohanasakuya's flowers, which surrounded her. Agitated, 'Alice' shoots out hundreds of dark blasts which disintegrate the flowers. She gives a death glare at the Valkyrie, telling her to go away. She goes away…)

'Alice': Hmph, now I am at peace, my name is **Dark Alice**, and I shall destroy you and all the Lords…

(Oracle, who had been unconscious for a whole minute, wakes up and sees Shawn being threatened by Dark Alice)

Oracle: Who's that? And why is her presence so familiar? *Realization!* No…

(She quickly gets up)

Oracle: Master! She isn't Alice anymore! She's a Fantasy Archwitch!

Shawn: W-wait, wha- *Starts choking*!?

DA: Hmm, seems that you are smart, advisor. *Suddenly throws Shawn* Better think fast!

(Shawn and Oracle crash into each other (Ow))

(As they get up, the find Dark Alice ready to shoot a blast of darkness at them)

DA: You scared?

S and O: *Nods*

DA: Well, you should be!

(Before she can kill the two, she seems to realize something and stops charging up the blast)

DA: Oh, silly me. I forgot to eat breakfast. *Starts to walk away* I'll deal with you later… *Leaves the area*

Shawn: U-um, what just happened?


	29. Time for Funny Fungus

(It's the afternoon, and Fungus is in her room reading about random stuff)

Fungus: Hmm… Wish Master would come and talk to me…

(The door opens behind her, and she looks behind to find Shawn strangely poking the room)

Shawn: *O_O*

Fungus: Goo goo…?

Shawn: I thought this was going to be a 'mushy room'…

Fungus: *Angry* GOO!

(Later, after she has calmed down about the joke, Shawn shows her a bowl of stew)

Shawn: Here, it's mushroom stew. I made it myself.

Fungus: Oh, does it have grey oyster mushroom…? Maybe matsutake or shiitake…?

Shawn: Well it's *Wise face* 'Lentinula edodes'.

Fungus: THAT'S SHIITAKE'S SCIENTIFIC NAME!

(Later…)

Shawn: *Now seating next to Fungus* So what are you hearing now?

Fungus: Goo goo…? What'd you mean…?

Shawn: Well, don't you have 'wood ears'?

Fungus: H-HEY! GOO GOO!

(Later, again…)

Shawn: Hey, Fungus, do you like Abalone?

Fungus: Nah, I hate abalone…

Shawn: So you don't like your cousin, the abalone mushroom? *Holds up mushroom*

Fungus: W-WHAT?! HOW WAS I SUPPOSE TO KNOW THAT?!

* * *

><p><em>Remember, kids, eat your mushrooms! OR I WILL KILL YOU AND GROW MUSHROOMS ON IT!<em>


	30. Sunday at the Mall (But it's Wednesday!)

(It is the afternoon, and Shawn and some of his Valkyries are at the… *Drum Roll* **MALL! (It's Shopping Time!)**)

Shawn: Um, girls? Are you sure we can split up and go around the mall ourselves without causing trouble?

Martial Artist: Of course we won't cause any trouble! And even if anyone wants to cause trouble with us, I'll just kick them away!

Shawn: Hey! Endangering the lives of someone with your kick is worse than just causing trouble!

Aoide: Don't worry; I'm only here for a convention upstairs! I'm gonna sign autographs for my loyal fans!

(She suddenly hands an autograph to Shawn)

Aoide: Here, Master, you're the first one to have it.

Shawn: *O_o* Umm, okay…? Thanks for this autograph and the other one hundred and thirty seven others back in the Castle…

Kejoro: W-well, I-I need some new s-shampoos and a n-new comb…

Shawn: What happened to your old comb?

Kejoro: My h-hair destroyed it… It didn't like t-the feeling of i-it.

Shawn: Oh… Umm… Okay…? Well, *Turns around* Doppelganger, don't try stealing with your double.

Doppelganger: *Sad face* Oh come on, I really don't want to waste money.

(After he assesses most of the Valkyries that are with him, they all disperse, except for…)

Shawn: Tannenbaum? What're you standing here for?

TL: *Suddenly snaps out of trance* H-Huh?! Where did everyone go?!

Shawn: Uh, what?

TL: *Notices Shawn* O-oh, Master, it seems that I shall accompany you on this tour around the mall.

Shawn: But I want to be alo-

TL: *Smiling menacingly* I SAID… I SHALL ACCOMPANY YOU…

Shawn: *O-O*… *Awkward smile* Okay!

(Later, the two are walking through the mall, passing by an arcade. Tannenbaum Lancer spots a small claw crane machine and gets interested)

Shawn: *Looks back* Tannenbaum?

(Tannenbaum Lancer is now peering into the claw crane machine, spotting a stuffed Christmas tree with a small smiley face (I want one of those…))

Shawn: You want that, Tannenbaum?

TL: *Surprised* H-Huh!? N-no! Of course not! W-y would I want something that serves no purpose to me!?

(Further away, Little Devil and Oneiros are playing some arcade games, but, not surprisingly, Oneiros is sleeping, letting Little Devil beat the heck out of her game character)

LD: Hahaha! I am so acing this game!

Oneiros: *Sleeping…*

(After beating Oneiros' character, she hears Tannenbaum's voice and her Master's)

LD: Did you hear that?

Oneiros: *Still sleeping…*

LD: I know, right? I'm gonna go check it out.

(Later, Shawn is using the claw crane machine to get the stuffed toy. He successfully gets it and gives it to Tannenbaum, who starts blushing furiously, but still keeps the 'I don't want it' face)

TL: *Holds tighter* *Suddenly notices Shawn staring* A-ah! *Turns away* U-um, it's not l-like I w-want it o-or anything…

(Little Devil suddenly appears)

LD: O.M.G. MY TSUNDERE METER IS GOING APE-SH-

(Tannenbaum smashes her with her lance (Which she summoned), causing her to fly away and crash into the arcade machines, waking Oneiros up)

Oneiros: Huh? Did I win?

* * *

><p>(Later, they pass a clothing store, and Tannenbaum Lancer remembers something)<p>

TL: Wait, I need a new bra. *Passes doll to Shawn*

Shawn: *O_o* What?

(So now, Shawn is waiting for Tannenbaum Lancer, who is inside a changing room trying out bras)

Shawn: Wow, it feels so awkward staying in the bra section…

TL: *Inside changing room* Do not worry, Master. This will only take a while. Oh, and can you please pass me the red bra.

Shawn: *Surprised expression* *Turns to bra* Oh boy…

(He finds the red piece of undergarment and gives it to Tannenbaum… Not before slipping and crashing inside… Yeah, she opened the door to retrieve it…)

(Now, Shawn is in the changing room with Tannenbaum, on top of her…She's half-naked… Without a bra…)

TL: A-ah-!

(She summons her spear and smacks Shawn out)

TL: DON'T YOU DARE REMEMBER THIS!

(She immediately closes the door, ignoring Shawn, whose face literally got impaled into a wall)

Shawn: …Oww…

* * *

><p>(Much later, Shawn and Tannenbaum are at the food court, waiting for their food. By now, Tannenbaum is extremely shy and is constantly blushing. Sadly, Shawn is too dense to notice all that)<p>

Shawn: So, what're you eating?

TL: Ah, umm… Well... J-just fried c-chicken…

Shawn: Oh, okay. I'm just having lamb steak.

TL: W-well… That's l-luxurious.

Shawn: Umm… yeah. You know, you're acting really different today.

TL: U-um, in w-what way?

Shawn: Well, I think you're getting really shy around people. Is something wrong? I-I mean, the incident in the clothes shop is bad, but is there anything else bothering you?

TL: U-uh, no, n-nothing's wrong! Nothing else is bothering m-me!

(At that very moment, the food arrives, and it's from…)

Shawn: *Surprised* Casino Waitress!? What're you doing here?!

CW: Oh, hi, Master. The food court owner employed me a few days ago.

Shawn: Why?

CW: Well, he said that I was attracting customers for reasons he wouldn't explain.

(Shawn looks at Casino Waitress' chest, then looks back up)

Shawn: *-_-* Of course…

CW: What?

Shawn: Nothing…

(While they're talking, Tannenbaum dips her fried chicken into some ketchup and takes a bite off of it, smearing the sauce on her lips and even her nose (Don't tell me that never happened to you before when you take a bite off a drumstick))

(Shawn notices the stain on her lip and nose, and starts to chuckle)

Shawn: Wow, for a first bite, that's dirty.

TL: O_O?

(Shawn takes a tissue, stretches his hand to her face and starts to wipe her nose. She blushes furiously and nearly explodes in emotions. Casino Waitress watches, also blushing at the scene. She quickly walks away)

(After wiping the ketchup away, he goes back to his seat, and eats his steak, seemingly forgetting what he did (Of course, he didn't). Tannenbaum is so surprised about what happened that she froze on her seat)

Shawn: Hmm? You've been silent for a while… *Looks at her meal* You want the French fries?

(She notices the question and quickly nods, resuming her eating. They both stay silent while they eat, with Tannenbaum Lancer thinking about her Master)

* * *

><p>(After a few hours, everyone gathers in front of the mall, ready to go home. The sun is already setting.)<p>

Shawn: Well, did you all have fun in the mall?

Everyone: YEAH!

Shawn: Well, let's all go home!

Everyone: AWWWWW….!

Shawn: Okay, sleep in the mall, then.

Everyone: NO!

Shawn: *Troll face* Okay, okay, let's go home.

(As they all walk home, Tannenbaum Lancer is stopped by Shawn)

TL: Huh? What do you want, Master?

Shawn: Well, um, today was really fun. Thanks for accompanying me around the mall and keeping me company. Maybe we can hang out together next time.

(Tannenbaum starts blushing, and nods. Shawn gives a smile and walks away with the others. She could only watch as Shawn disappears into the crowd of Valkyries)

TL: *Watching until Shawn is out of sight* Why do I…? *Holds doll tighter* I think…

* * *

><p><em><span><strong>I love him…<strong>_


	31. Lies a Dark, Dark Alice

?: Urgh… Huh?

(Slowly, Alice blinks herself awake and finds herself laying on the ground in a white room. She gets up, and a hand immediately lands on her shoulder)

?: *Voice sounding like Alice's* Welcome…

(Alice turns around, and finds Dark Alice)

Alice: Huh? Who are you?

DA: Oh, you do not remember me? *Tries being joyful and outgoing* You simpleton, I am your inner self!

Alice: What?

DA: Where you are now is the deepest part of your mind, where I, the Queen, live.

Alice: Wow, that's amazing!

(Silence…)

Alice: Wait, how did I get here, anyway?

DA: Well, I called you here, idiot!

Alice: Hey, don't call me idiot! It's like you're calling yourself an idiot.

DA: *Evil eyes* Of course not… I am smarter than you'll ever be…

Alice: U-um, okay.

DA: Well, other than that, come.

(A pair of chairs and a table suddenly appears, with a tea set on the table)

DA: *Sits down* Have some tea with me.

Alice: Ooh, tea! How lively!

DA: Umm, should it not be lovely?

Alice: Well, back at my Master's Kingdom, when we have tea, everyone fights for it.

* * *

><p><strong>Flashback<strong>

Mary and Teaspoon: Tea is _**SERVED!**_

Everyone: Oh yeah! Tea!

Shawn: *Notices* Uh, wait…

(There are only a few cups of tea on each of the dining tables)

Mary and Teaspoon: Well, today-

Hinnagami: Does this not happen every time…?

Mary: O_O… *Ignores her* Well, today's a bit different!

Hinnagami: HEY, LISTEN TO ME!

Teaspoon: *Continues ignoring* You all have to fight for the tea! We'll separate you into groups depending on your classes! N-class Valkyries on the right, R-class Valkyries to our lefts!

Shawn: Uh… What about me?

Mary and Teaspoon: Well, you can have this *gives him teaspoon of tea*

Shawn: -_-… The freak…?

Teaspoon: Well, that's because you didn't participate.

Shawn: WHAT THE HECK, YOU DIDN'T EVEN ASK ME TO PARTICIPATE!

(After all that, the Valkyries fight, until a few remain)

Mary: Congratulations, here is your prize! Very high quality tea!

(The winners drink it up)

Teaspoon: See you next time for more 'Tea FIGHTING!'

Everyone: **WHEN DID THIS TURN INTO A GAME SHOW!?**

* * *

><p><strong>Flashback End…<strong>

DA: Yes, I know. I see it every time it happens.

Alice: Oh yeah… *Sits down* *Sips tea* Mmm… delicious.

DA: I'm happy that you said that, it truly is a divine compliment.

Alice: Speaking of which, where are the others?

DA: Oh, don't worry. They're all fine.

_**Outside of Mind World…**_

(An explosion catches Nemesis' guard, and she stumbles away, narrowly missing a blast of darkness from Dark Alice)

Shawn: *From afar* NEMESIS! RADIANT WRATH!

(Nemesis starts glowing and she emits a wave that pushes the Archwitch away. As Dark Alice lands, she finds her neck between scissor blades)

Atropos: Your life… ends here…!

(Before she could defeat Dark Alice, a summoned Cheshire Cat pounces on her head and knocks her down. She then immediately reflects Tetea's blade, dodges Chronos' time slowing field and then shooting a blast at Lock Heart)

**Back in the Mind World~~~**

DA: Yes, that is a very serious topic indeed!

Alice: I know, right?! I mean-

(They are actually baking cookies)

Alice: How much sugar should we put for the perfect taste?

DA: Maybe a teaspoon for the whole batch?

Alice: Maybe… Do we even know how to bake?

DA: *Awkward*Noooooooooooooooooooo~~~~?

Alice: …

DA: …

Alice: Let's go back to drinking tea from my mind…

DA: Your statement is valid.

_**Outside the Mind World! (I'm a rock star, okay?)**_

(Dark Alice is sprawled on the ground, caught in Trap Master's trap, and she is trying to get out of it. Above her, Maidryl is getting ready to smash her with a dented drill (to cause minimum damage and maybe get her to her senses), but she breaks free of the trap and rolls away, missing the drill by an inch)

**Back in the Mind World… *Dies***

Alice: How long have I been here, anyway?

DA: Oh, only a few minutes…

Alice: … Pour me some more tea…

DA: Do it yourself, commoner.

**Outside the Dream WORLD *Music Note***

Shawn: Give us back ALICE!

(Shawn is now hanging on a tree branch by his coat, while Dark Alice is seating on another larger tree branch close by)

DA: Hmph, you really are weak, my Lord. You continue to pursue me for reasons that even I don't know.

Shawn: Didn't I just scream it at you?!

DA: *Ignores* Maybe, are you here to woe me, the Queen of these woods?

Shawn: What the freak!? Of course I'm not here for that!

(Dark Alice starts to get angry)

DA: Oh really, now? Well, *Throws ball of darkness* SAY GOODNIGHT!

(Before the ball reaches the Lord, Soul Eater deflects it with her gauntlets.)

SE: Master! Get yourself out of here, she's too dangerous!

Shawn: Umm, can't you see that I need help doing that…

(Suddenly, someone picks him up from the branch and flies away with him)

Shawn: Ah, Tensen! Thanks!

TN: No prob! As long as I don't get hit by that Fantasy Archwitches attacks, I will save you!

(Suddenly, she gets hit on the back…)

TN: Eek… My robe… *Plummets to ground*

Shawn: Tensen! Oh wait, ME! *Plummets also*

(While falling, he and Tensen get picked up by Ragnarok)

Ragnarok: Master and main comrade are safe. *Looks at Dark Alice* Activating 'Revenge' Module.

Shawn: When did you get that?

(Ragnarok aims all her guns at Dark Alice, and fires, destroying everything around the area. After the smoke clears, Dark Alice is nowhere in sight)

Ragnarok: Detecting no heat signature in designated area…

(Dark Alice appears behind her and smashes her to the ground)

Dark Alice: Well, you all are lucky today. You all survived until tea-time. Try again tomorrow, commoners.

(She then floats away, leaving the unconscious group behind)

…

…

(Shawn's face is on Ragnarok's breast, if I might add)

**Back in the- Okay, it's getting repetitive…**

Alice: You know what, I better get out of here now…

DA: Wait, what? Why do you wish to exit your mind?

Alice: Well, *Gets up* my friends and my Master must be worried about me not waking up. I think I'll leave and tell them I'm okay.

DA: Wait, you cannot leave! You must stay!

Alice: Huh? Why?

DA: Because you must! I order you to stay, my loyal subject!

Alice: Wow, my inner self is such a meanie!

DA: Shut up, commoner! Do as I say!

Alice: NO! I want to wake up and tell the other's I'm fine!

**You know what happens now… (Wanna go to get a drink?)**

(Dark Alice is casually taking a stroll on the old Woodland Road)

DA: Hmm? It seems to be very quiet today. Maybe Lord Shane has already given up the search…

(Further away, Shawn and the others are hiding behind the trees)

Shawn: *Whispering* MY NAME'S SHAWN! SHAWN! *Crying face*

Oracle: Quiet, Master. She is getting nearer to the trap location.

Shawn: *Calms down* Okay, that is good…

(After a while, Dark Alice reaches a clear field of burnt trees)

DA: Hmm, this was there that crazy, unsophisticated pyromaniac burnt down the trees…

(Before she can take another step, a not-so-sharp bear trap-lookalike snares her legs, tripping her. She tries to get up, but before she can, Dream Pillow appears from the trees and places her pillow on the archwitches head, making her fall into a dream-like state)

**In the Mind World…**

(The whole place suddenly darkens, surprising the two)

Alice: Huh? What happened!?

DA: Damn it… I think they got me…!

Alice: Wait, what'd you mean?

**Outside the Mind World…**

Shawn: Okay…

(Shawn is behind a fallen log with the other Valkyries (Amp, Oracle, Resistance, Hole in One, Idun, Phanuel and Dream Pillow)

Shawn: First of all, we have to try and get the Fantasy Archwitch 'out of her', so to speak. Amp, you know what to do.

Amp: Of course!

Shawn: Hole in One, if she does get out of Alice's body, I want you to hit her head with a golf ball so hard that she faints.

HiO: Okay, let's see if my golfing can crack a person's skull.

Oracle: U-uh, p-please restrain yourself from injuring her. We need her for custody.

Shawn: Resistance, does your men understand their objectives.

Resistance: I've got them posted all over the forest. They will shoot on sight.

Shawn: Idun, give them the 'Golden Apple'…

(Idun gives everyone a Golden Apple)

Shawn: Now, chow down!

(All the Valkyries, except for Idun and Oracle, bite the Golden Apple and gain some strength)

Shawn: Now, on my signal, Phanuel, start screaming into your megaphone.

Phanuel: Sir, yes, sir!

(The megaphone is actually connected to some amps which are positioned around Dark Alice)

Shawn: Ready?

Phanuel: *Clears throat* Ready.

Shawn: *Covers ears* Pow…

(Phanuel starts screaming, emitting a noise so loud that it wakes Dark Alice up, but dazes her so much that…)

**In the Mind World…**

DA: ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Alice: H-huh?! What's wrong!?

(Alice tries to help her 'inner self', but Dark Alice grabs her arm and pushes her down)

DA: You… YOU! THIS NOISE! IT'S SO LOUD!

Alice: H-huh?!

(The surrounding darkness starts cracking, and it then breaks like glass, revealing the outside world. Shawn's face is on one side of the surrounding)

Shawn: Alice! Come on, get out of there!

Alice: M-Master!

(Dark Alice immediately places a hand on Alice's mouth)

DA: NO! YOU ARE NOT GETTING OUT OF YOUR MIND!

Alice: MmMph!? (Why!?)

DA: BECAUSE YOUR BODY'S MINE FOR THE PICKING! NOT YOURS! I DON'T WANT TO CONTINUE BEING THE BEING TRAPPED IN THE DEEPEST, DARKEST PARTS OF YOUR STUPID BRAIN!

Alice: *Bites hand* Stop it!

DA: GRAH! YOU BRAT!

(Dark Alice kicks Alice away, causing her to collide and slide on the floor)

DA: You were always an idiot. A simple-minded commoner… While I, the Queen, am an intelligent being of great power. How can you stand against me!?

Alice: H-huh? What do you-?

(Alice gets knocked away by a blast of darkness as the surrounding fixes itself into a world of darkness)

DA: You… For eleven days, I have kept you in here, just so that I can control you, but I think today's your lucky day…! *Charges up next blast* I WILL KILL YOU AND GET THE THRONE! I WILL RULE OVER YOUR BODY, AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!

**Outside…**

Shawn: What'd we do?! If the information is correct, Alice's soul is corrupted by a 'parasite' that we can take out, but all our methods aren't working. I'm even trying to drown her, and it's not working.

(Yeah, Shawn is dipping Dark Alice's head deep into a stream)

Oracle: MASTER! Don't kill Alice!

(After taking her head out of the water, the group comes together and starts brain-storming)

Amp: Well, at least the loud noise rattled her mind…

Shawn: Yeah, but it didn't separate the two.

HiO: On second thought, what connects the two?

Oracle: There has been no clear indication of that, other than the fact that they are both connected by soul…

Shawn: Can't we just call Soul Eater back?

Dream Pillow: Umm, well… *Yawns* I gave her my pillow yesterday… And she hasn't woken up…

Resistance: Hmph, who would want your pillow, anyway?

Dream Pillow: But it's really comfy…

Resistance: Oh yeah! I, as a Leader of a Resistance group, shall test this pillow of yours!

Everyone else: -_-…

(Resistance places the pillow on her head… Then goes to sleep afterwards)

Everyone else: H-HEY! WAKE UP, YOU!

Shawn: Okay, we lost Resistance…

Idun: Maybe if we hit her in the head hard enough, we might…

Everyone: No...!

(An idea suddenly comes into Oracle's mind)

Oracle: Maybe…

* * *

><p>(Later, they successfully bring Dark Alice back to Shawn's Kingdom, and they consult...)<p>

Mephistopheles: Hmm? You want me to do what, exactly?

Shawn: Well, seeing that Alice has two souls in her right now, I thought that you can extract one from her.

Mephistopheles: Oh, that sounds fun. I'll try and take the soul out, then.

(After a few processes, she takes out Alice's soul)

Mehistopheles: Hmm? Something seems off about the soul…

Shawn: A-ah!

(Alice's blue soul has a black soul attached to it)

HiO: What in the world is that?

Oracle: Must be that archwitches's soul…

Shawn: Dark Alice…

Mephistopheles: Well, I think I have a soul remedy for this, but it will take some time…

Shawn: Wait, look!

(The black soul is slowly spreading through the blue soul)

Mephistopheles: The soul seems to be consuming the other. I estimate only ten minutes before the soul is completely consumed…

Shawn: HUH!? Then get on with the remedy already!

Mephistopheles: Okay, okay.

**In the Mind World…**

DA: So… *Kicks Alice away* How is the pain!? Do you like it, peasant!?

Alice: *Coughs* S-stop… Please…

DA: Hmm? A commoner asking for mercy. How... *Holds up ball of darkness* pathetic…

(Alice quickly scampers away, missing the explosion)

Alice: Why do you want my body so much!?

DA: Because you are inferior to me, but you kept the body! I should be the one who takes it!

(Dark Alice suddenly stops, as if she is paralyzed)

DA: What-!?

Alice: *Pants* 'Wonderland'… Now you can't move for four turns… *Sits down on ground* Now I can rest…

DA: You little runt…!

Alice: Shush! I haven't even done four turns yet.

**Outside…**

Shawn: Hmm? The soul stopped spreading…

Mephistopheles: Then that means that Alice's soul has fought back. Impressive. *Pours solution together* this will work, I am certain of it.

Oracle: Okay, now we just pour it on the souls.

(They pour the solution on the soul, and a reaction causes a blinding light to appear. Everyone is blinded, and when the light stops they find both Alice and Dark Alice on the ground… Wait, Dark Alice?)

DA: Ah- No, NO! I have been separated! W-who did this!?

Alice: Master~! *Hugs Shawn*

Shawn: Err, hey, Alice…

(Alice notices Dark Alice)

Alice: AHH! It's my evil self!

HiO: Should I break her skull!?

Oracle: W-wait, don't try and kill her!

DA: You… You did this to me! I'll-

(She still cannot move for four turns)

Shawn: Umm… Well, restrain her.

(Everyone restrains her)

DA: You commoners! I will end you all one day! I will! And I will get back into Alice's mind and take back what is mine! My shadows will rip you all apart! I will…!

Dream Pillow: She is so loud…

Shawn: Well, I have the solution… *Starts wriggling fingers* A really good one, at best…

(Miss suddenly comes in)

Miss: Master Shawn, what are you doing to Ali-

(Shawn is cupping Dark Alice's breast, embarrassing her so much that she fainted. Miss only watches in shock)

DA: *Foaming from mouth*

Shawn: Uh… Hi…?

(He then gets kicked by Miss)

Miss: YOU PERVERT!

Shawn: UGWAHHHH!

* * *

><p>(Later, Dark Alice is in a cell, in a fetal position in the shadows)<p>

DA: My powers… They have decreased… All because I left Alice's body...

(Shawn suddenly opens the door)

Shawn: Maybe it's because you are only level one…

DA: You-! Why are you here?

Shawn: Well, the council wants to punish you. They put you, an evil manifestation of the inner mind and a fantasy Archwitch, to death…

DA: Hmph, I deserve death, anyway. Failing to control Alice's body was entirely my fault. I was incompetent and I didn't plan properly.

Shawn: Well, the council had a change of mind…

DA: Wait, what?

Shawn: They entrusted me to keep you as a Valkyrie.

DA: WHAT!?

Shawn: Well, seeing how powerful you were, they thought that it would be good to classify you as a Valkyrie.

DA: Are you trying to me my jester, or something…

Shawn: Well, no.

DA: My life is already over…

* * *

><p><strong>You have acquired the SR-class Valkyrie, Dark Alice<strong>

* * *

><p>Alice: It feels so strange talking to my other self…<p>

DA: Shut up, I'm sick of your voice already…

(Alice runs away, crying)

Alice: WAAAAAAH! DARK ALICE IS SO MEAN!

DA: Brainless…

* * *

><p>(In the Old Woodland Road, Naturalist is studying the local flora and fauna)<p>

Naturalist: Oh, a rare berry bush! I must try them out!

(She tries to get a berry, but a paw suddenly touches her hand)

Naturalist: Eek! A bear?!

(Naturalist quickly looks at the 'bear', but instead finds a little girl with a bear plushie)

?: Hmm? My prince?


	32. The Celestial Realm of-

(Shawn is in his room, head on a desk. He is thinking of a prank to do that will affect everyone. For now, he still has no idea what to do)

Shawn: Urgh… One whole day of thinking, and none of them work. They're all too cliché and too noticeable…

(After a few seconds of sulking, he suddenly goes to sleep. And in just one minute, he wakes up)

Shawn: AH, I'VE GOT IT! *Starts writing in book that appeared from nowhere* Okay, all I have to do is this, and that. Oh ho ho ho, this sounds perfect! *Turns around* *Smiles* All I need now is a printer… And photoshop…

**The next day **

(The Valkyries are all taking a day off (It's all part of HIS plan…), and they all decide to go shopping)

Skadi: *Trying out scarf* Oh, this feels warm. I like it…!

Yuki Onna: I do not need warmth. The cold is my home.

Skadi: Come on, try some clothes for once.

YO: NO, get that warm abomination away from me.

(While they are bickering, Pixie flies in front of them and calls them)

Pixie: Guys, there's a commotion outside! You should go see it! Oh, and that scarf looks really warm on you.

YO: See, I told you.

Skadi: -_-… Aren't scarfs supposed to be warm?

(They both go outside, and see that everyone is looking up at the highest building. Someone is on the roof, but he is too far for people to identify)

YO: Hmm, what a brave man, dying to make the world a colder place.

Pixie: What…?

(The person then extends his arms out and throws… Paper?)

Skadi: Huh? What is that?

YO: You can go get one, then.

(The papers all float down, and each and every Valkyrie grabs a piece)

Skadi: *Grabs paper* Huh?

(And then the truth is revealed…)

Everyone: O_o…!

(On the pieces of papers are pictures of every Valkyrie that Shawn has, although there's a twist. Everyone's face has been changed to Shawn's grinning face)

Everyone: WHAT THE HELL!?

(Up at the top of the roof, Shawn is looking down in triumph, his face giving a manly smile of victory)

Shawn: Welcome to the Celestial Realm of 'Donut' King…!

"**Now that suits DRAVEEEEEEEEEENNNNNN…!"- Draven**


	33. At Diver's Pool :3

Shawn: Umm… Why are you doing this to me, again?

(Shawn is being dragged on the floor by Miss, who seemingly does it without breaking a sweat)

Miss: You need to keep your body in shape, Master Shawn. That's why I entrusted Diver to train you.

Shawn: Why not anyone else? She's only a Normal-Class Valkyrie, you know.

Miss: *Innocent, but demonic voice* YES, I KNOW…

Shawn: O_O… *Keeps quiet*

(After a while, Miss reaches the swimming pool. Diver is nowhere to be seen)

Miss: Diver? Where are you?

(Diver appears from below the water)

Diver: Hey, what's up? You got Shawn?

Miss: Yeah.

(She looks back and sees Shawn playing games on a hand-held console)

Diver: Well, plop him in, then!

(Miss throws Shawn into the pool, causing him to panic)

Shawn: *Rises from water* NO! MY SAVED GAME! AHHHHHHGLUGGLUGGLUGGLUG! *Starts drowning*

(Later, Diver saves Shawn from his impending doom, and after a small lecture, he goes and changes)

Diver: *Waiting outside* Hmm… I wonder what Shawn looks like without his shirt…

(She starts fantasizing about his AWESOME SIX-PACKS!)

Diver: *Starts blushing* *Shakes head* No, he won't look like that… Would he…? I mean, he is our Lord. He should be super muscular and stuff…

(She then starts fantasizing about Shawn trying to woe Diver)

Diver: NO! I CAN'T THINK OF ALL THESE THINGS! But he's so handsome… And so sexy without his shirt… *Turns towards changing stall* ARE YOU DONE?!

Shawn: Y-yeah. I'm done…!

(He comes out and Diver finds out that he does not have any muscles on his abdomen. All his muscles are on his arms and legs (He goes climbing, you know?))

Diver: *Turns around* **OH MY GAWWWWWDDDDDD! I WAS TOO FAR FROM THE REAL POINT!**

Shawn: O-O… What?

(Later, Diver is seeing him swim through the pool and back)

Diver: Faster, damn it! Even jellyfish go faster than you!

Shawn: Shut-! *Dips head in water* Up-!

(When he reaches to the end, Diver is crouching and looking at him while he gets up from the water. He tries to get the ledge but raises his arms too high and… Well…)

(Unties Diver's bikini)

Shawn: Huh? *Sees bikini in arm* HAH!?

Diver: A-ah-! *Quickly turns around* DON'T LOOK!

(When she turned, she loses her footing and slips right on top of Shawn)

Shawn: AH! I got yo-! *Gets pushed into water*

(After a while of not daring to open her eyes, Diver starts to blink underwater, and discovers that, while Shawn was trying to catch Diver, his hands had accidentally cupped her breast)

Diver: *Starts getting angrier* Mmrgbrt (Pervert)!

(He then slams Shawn's head on the bottom of the pool and quickly leaves the pool and the place itself, leaving Shawn to float above water, unconscious, and inevitably drown)

Diver: I-idiot!


	34. The Secret Area in Terror Town

(Did you know… that in Terror Town, the High Valkyrien Council placed a 'Jodie Explorer' card for people to evolve their own Jodie Explorer…? Well, in your case, my Lord, that card is very important to you, seeing how you have the real 'Jodie Explorer'… Better get it quick, or else someone's going to tamper with the entrance to the card…)

* * *

><p>(The moon is high in the sky, as shadows cast down on two people wearing hoods. Their faces are shrouded in shadows. In front of them is a large Halloween themed gate with a lock)<p>

? (Girl's voice): Do you have all the items ready?

? (Man's voice): You think I'd forget? *takes box from cloak* I got all the ingredients: A hundred eyes, chicken broth mixed with enchanted sap, an apple-

Girl: Why do we need the apple? It's not in the recipe.

Man: Oh, that's my snack. *Bites down on apple* Tasty… *Places box down* Well, we have everything we need, now do your thing.

(The girl steps forward and points at the box. Small drones filled with celestial power start floating out from the cloak as they all go inside the box. In an instant, the box seemingly explodes, and out comes a cauldron filled with the ingredients mentioned before)

Girl: *Waves right hand to side* Stir…!

(The drones combine, and become a large spoon. They stir the cauldron)

Man: Hmm, nothing seems to be reacting…

Girl: Maybe it's because the mixture needs a bit more sweet…

(A drone suddenly takes the man's apple and plops it into the cauldron)

Man: Hey-! Oh, the mixture's reacting!

(The mixture starts to bubble and super-heat. The drones retreat from the cauldron, which looks like it is about to explode)

Girl: '**Protect**'.

(The drones all gather in front of the two, forming a wall. The steel cauldron literally explodes, dousing the drones with chicken smelling broth)

Man: Oh hohohoh! We've done it!

Girl: …

Man: Wait, do you hear that?

(The two hear whooshing sounds in the air. They look up, and see that all one hundred eyes are flying out to the sky, as if they are alive and are going somewhere)

Man: HAHAHAH! The birth of a Fantasy Archwitch is in those little eyeballs' hands now! Ain't this exciting?!

Girl: Hmm… *Demolishes wall* The entrance…

Man: Hm? OH!

(The large gate has been entangled with a large eyeball, which blinks at the two)

Girl: It's blocking the gate… There's no way in, now…

Man: Yeah… Come on, let's destroy it!

(The girl stops the man)

Girl: No, the eye… is enchanted with a seal… No one can go through it unless the seal is broken…

Man: Oh… Well, seems that no one is getting the evolution card inside anytime soon…!

* * *

><p>(Inside the sealed area, is a shrine with a card in it, placed by the Council themselves… Sadly, there's only one, and most of the Lords are now competing for it, but one man has already reached the gate… Exhausted and seemingly crawling on the ground, is the Celestial Realm's 'somewhat-most-powerful' Lord.)<p>

Shawn: I'M GOING TO DIE!

Oracle: Umm… Master, are you really that tired?

Shawn: WHAT DO YOU THINK! *He's on the ground…* MY LEGS COULD HAVE ALREADY BROKE IN HALF, BY NOW!

Snowman MKII: Do you want snow on your legs? I got myself a new invention that can super-compress snow and shoot it at the speed of sound!

Everyone: O_o…

Shawn: Shoot that to an Archwitch, please…

Strategist: Don't worry! With my calculations and your fitness evaluations, I predict that you have enough energy to get to that gate over there!

Shawn: GATE!? WHERE!? AM I THERE ALREADY! AM I IN HEAVEN!?

Leviathan: No, silly! The gate to Master's card is over there, not up there!

Shawn: You mean… Jodie Explorer's evolution card! Oh heck yeah! When I get back, I'm so gonna show off to everyone!

(Shawn suddenly gets up from the ground and runs to the gate, with his eyes closed)

Shawn: Oh come to me, bikini girl~~! I am so going to- ARGHABLARGHGHG!

(He smashes onto something bouncy and gets launched back, landing on Leviathan's tail)

Everyone: Huh?

(Shawn looks at the gate in more detail, and he is shocked to find a large eyeball stuck on the gate, blinking at the group)

Shawn: What… **THE HECK!?**

* * *

><p>(Hey, did you hear: Shawn got himself to the gate! No, he couldn't get the Jodie Explorer card. He told me there was a seal on the gate, and he needed to find a way to break it… Hope someone finds a way to break the seal…)<p> 


	35. The Valkyrian Mini Story 2

**MINI STORY 1**

**BEWARE OF LIBRARIAN**

(Librarian is in the library, rearranging books)

Librarian: *Hums* Oh, I haven't read this book before! Wonder what it's about?

(She starts flipping through the pages, but comes across a 'nice part')

Librarian: Oh, what's this? *Eyes fill up with lust*

(It's basically a story about two boys falling in love with each other…** Anything else I missed out?**)

Librarian: Oh my glob… *Reads climatic part* *Suddenly cups mouth* MMMHM! *Starts drooling* Oh my glob, oh my glo- EEEEK!

(She starts blushing furiously as the drool leaks out from her mouth. Her eys continue watching as she starts heating up)

* * *

><p>(Further away, Shawn is hiding behind a bookshelf, watching)<p>

Shawn: O-O…

(A 'WTF' button suddenly appears…)

(And he starts to rapidly press on it)

Shawn: W.T.F, W.T.F, W.T.F, W.T.F, W.T.F…?

**MINI STORY 2**

**WANNA PLAY WITH FIRE?**

(Shawn is walking through the castle, until he meets a small group of Valkyries chatting)

Undine: Did you hear? Ifrit wants someone to play with her! Maybe I can meet up with her later!

Salamander: You think she'll play with you? Her games get really hot and serious after a while!

(Shawn continues listening, and, seeing that he has nothing to do, departs and looks for Ifrit)

(Later, he finds Ifrit in her room. He knocks on the door)

Shawn: Ifrit, your playmate is here~!

Ifrit: Master? YOU want to play with ME? SPLENDID! Let me get the door!

(She opens the door)

Shawn: Well, time for me to- What the Hell?

(Ifrit's room is filled with magma and exploding volcanic craters. Ifrit is sitting on a rock in the middle of all of it)

Ifrit: Been waiting for you. Let's play in the magma today!

Shawn: *D:*

(Undine and Salamander appear behind him)

Undine: Hi Master~!

Salamander: What're you doing he-

Trio: O_o…

Salamander: *Suddenly* **OH HECK YEAH! THIS IS MY PARTY!**

(Salamander jumps in and starts playing with Ifrit. The other two only watch in the distance)

Both: -_-… I'm leaving…

**MINI STORY 3**

**SUCCULENT COCOA**

(Cocoa is making chocolate in her personal kitchen)

Cocoa: Okay, what's next? Some sugar, oka- OH NO, MY WHISK WENT FLYING!

(The whisk flies out of the window)

Cocoa: Oh no… Now I have to go get it…

* * *

><p>(Later, she goes downstairs and finds her whisk in a small pile of packets)<p>

Cocoa: Ah, there you are! I was looking for you!

(She spots the packets with brown powder)

Cocoa: Hmm? These look like chocolate powder. Wonder if I- *Licks*

* * *

><p>(Shawn is writing some reports in his studies)<p>

Shawn: Hmm… I feel hungry, maybe I'll go get something to eat.

(He gets up and goes to the door, but it suddenly opens and Cocoa comes crashing in, landing on top of him)

Shawn: What the freak!?

Cocoa: Urgh… I'm so hyper right now… I don't know where I am~~~!

Shawn: What the heck happened to you!?

Cocoa: Oh hush, hush, Master~. I know you want it~!

Shawn: U-uh? W-want what?

Cocoa: This! *Suddenly starts unbuttoning shirt*

Shawn: *Blushes* H-HUH!? What are you doing!? Nonononononononono, I don't want to do anything like that!

Cocoa: Oh hush, hush, Master.

(She finishes unbuttoning and is now in her bra)

Cocoa: I know you want some 'milk'~~~

Shawn: *Starts pressing W.T.F. button* *Panicking* What the F, what the F, what the F!?

(He quickly tries to push her off, but her Valkyrien strength pushes him down)

Cocoa: Come, Master. Eat your milk chocolate~

(She starts taking off her bra)

Shawn: No, I'm too young for this!

Cocoa: Nonsense~! *Exposes breast* You're as ready as a chocolate bar~

(She smothers his face with her chest, causing him to panic even more)

Cocoa: Come on, Master~, I know you stare at everyone all the time~!

Shawn: Get the heck off of-!

(Miss suddenly comes in)

Miss: Master, I thought you were hungry so I brought you some- *Opens eyes* O_o… *Drops tray*

…

…

…

Miss: **WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING!?**

* * *

><p>(Later…)<p>

Asclepius: We have done the diagnosis.

(Asclepius is explaining to Shawn about Cocoa's condition as he lays on the hospital bed, in a full body cast)

Asclepius: It seems that she had an overdose of caffeine from coffee… She should stay away from coffee next time.

Shawn: Mmm…

* * *

><p>(A month later)<p>

Cocoa: *Crying* Why won't you let me try coffee?!

Shawn: Noh *Sips coffee*. If I did, the whole world will end for me.

Cocoa: What do you even mean!?

Shawn: Just get away from me!

* * *

><p>(Yup, she forgot everything…)<p> 


	36. A Hole between Two

(Shawn is with Hole in One, playing golf)

Shawn: I've never played golf before, but I think I'll do good.

HiO: Golf ain't easy. It takes quite a while for your hand to get use to the swings and the power needed.

Shawn: So, how's your score?

HiO: All holes in one.

Shawn: O_o… Well, maybe that's why your name is HiO…

HiO: Yeah. You do know I have a real name, right?

Shawn: Didn't the Valkyrien council make a rule forbidding you guys to say your real names?

HiO: Yeah, *Places ball down* well, now's the time.

Shawn: Oh! Come on, let me see your skill!

HiO: Shut up, Master. Let me concentrate.

(She swings up, but Shawn suddenly loses his grip on his golf culb, dropping it onto the floor. Hole in One gets so surprised that she suddenly turns around and smacks Shawn in the groin)

Shawn: HRGH-! *Nearly vomits* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!

(Later, Shawn is in the hospital, while Hole in One is outside his room getting scolded by Oracle and Miss)


	37. BOO! A Wild Cockroach Appears!

(It's a BEAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTIFUL morning! Shawn is waking up from his sleep)

Shawn: *Yawns* What a GOOD day today~!

(He gets up and goes to his wardrobe)

Shawn: Now time to *Opens wardrobe* get my… clothes…?

(Cockroach is sleeping inside)

Shawn: O_o… **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

(Outside, Oracle and Miss are about to knock on Shawn's door)

Miss: Master Shawn? Are you awake?

Oracle: Not so loud, sister dearest. The others must still be asleep.

Miss: Oh, that's impossible, if they're Valkyries, they should wake up at-

(Shawn crashes out…)

Shawn: **COCKROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

Miss: …

Oracle: …

Both: **MASTER HAS A FEAR OF COCKROACHES!?**

(For the whole day, this happens: )

(Shawn is going to the kitchen to get a drink)

Shawn: Oh, no O.J.? Better go get some more…

(He goes and open the cabinet)

Shawn: Hmm… Where's the orange juice?

?: Here… *Hands orange juice*

Shawn: Oh, thanks! *Closes cabinet* … Wait… *Reopens cabinet*

(Inside is Cockroach)

Shawn: O_o…

(Later, everyone finds him running out of the Dining Hall)

Shawn: **GET AWAY! IT'S THE APOCALYPSE IN THE FORM OF AN INSECT!**

Everyone: What?

(Shawn is getting ready to take a shower)

Shawn: Okay, I got my clothes, now I should take them off…

(He then hears scuttling inside the tub, but the showr curtains stop him from identifying who it is)

Shawn: A-ah, who's there?

(He opens the shower curtains, and find nothing there)

Shawn: … Phew~~~!

Cockroach: Uh, you dropped this…

Shawn: **HOLYSWEETMOTHEROF-!**

(Later, he is in his studies, signing records and reports)

Shawn: Okay, I got all my doors and windows locked. She'll never get in…!

(He suddenly hears chomping sounds beside him)

Shawn: H-huh? *Turns around* A-

Cockroach: *Eating book* We can fit through small spaces, you know…

Shawn: Ono… *Faints*

(Shawn is now lying down on a sofa, with his hands on his chest)

Shawn: Well, doctor, it all happened when I was a wee little boy… It was night time, and-

(Miss cuts him off)

Miss: Master, I'm not a therapist…

Shawn: JUST HELP ME WITH MY COCKROACH PROBLEM!

Miss: Well, you could just give her away to another Lord.

Shawn: Yeah, but she's my Valkyrie… I can't just give her away like that…

Miss: She's just an N-Class Valkyrie. There won't be any harm done if you just give her away.

Shawn: BUT DID I EVER GIVE ANYONE AWAY BEFORE?

Miss: Umm, well, there was that… Uh, wait, there was-! No, wait…

…

…

…

Miss: Yeah, you're right…

Shawn: SEE! HOW AM I GOING TO GET RID OF HER?!

Miss: Just accept it. She won't try and kill you anyway.

Shawn: O_o…

Miss: ?

Shawn: **O_o**...

Miss: My Lord?

(He suddenly hugs Miss)

Shawn: OMG, YOU'RE A GENIUS!

Miss: HUH!? *Kicks him away* Get off of me!

(Shawn crashes through the sofa, effectively breaking it. He goes unconscious again, while Miss leaves)

(Later, Shawn is back in his room, on bed. He is thinking hard to himself about life)

Shawn: Hmm… *Starts groaning*

(He starts shifting positions, until he finds the most comfortable one)

Shawn: Ahh…

(Two arms suddenly curl around him)

Shawn: ?

(He opens his eyes, and finds Cockroach inches away from his face)

Shawn: ! _No, I… must… accept… this!_

(Two seconds later)

Shawn: **GET AWAY FROM ME!**

**And so, for all his life, he was stuck with his fear of Cockroach… He was never cured. You can help him by donating twenty jewels to this site: www. bla-bla-bla .com**** Share the pity, guys. Don't leave him hanging…**


	38. Who Does Hecate Like? And About Livvy Ex

(Shawn's face is on the Dining Table, his plate of food mere inches away from it. The Valkyries sitting closest to it all look at him, confused)

Shawn: *Deep Sign*

Multiple Eye: Uh, are you sad that you did not get that Jodie Explorer evolution card?

Shawn: *Deeper Sign*

Miss: Don't worry; he'll get over it sooner or later.

Shawn: *DEEPEST SIGN EVER RECORDED THAT LASTS FOR TWENTY SECONDS*

Hades: *Whispering to Hecate* How is our Master so weak? I mean, look! Beelze-Bear could crush him right now with just a touch.

Hecate: Can you please be quiet? Let our Master groan and sob in peace. If that is what he wants, that is what he will receive.

Hades: Hey, why're you defending him? Don't tell me, you **like** him!

Hecate: No, my heart belongs to someone else…

Hades: Hey, guys! *Waves arms around* Hecate likes Master Shawn! Hecate likes Master Shawn!

(Sure enough, she draws a lot of commotion)

Hecate: W-what! Preposterous! I only said that my heart belongs to someone else!

Everyone: *Teasing* Oh~~~!

Hecate: Guh! *Looks at Hades* QUIET, YOU CHILDISH IDIOT!

Hades: Hahaha- Mmh!?

(Her mouth suddenly closes shut)

Hades: Mmmhhh!? MMMM!?

Hecate: As my Lore details, I control you, Hades. Now SIT DOWN.

(she forcefully sits down, her face confused and shocked)

Hecate: Now, bring that hot bowl of soup close to your chest.

(Hades tries to stop her hand, but it slowly, forcefully grabs the bowl and brings it to her chest)

Hecate: Now, it will only hurt 'a bit'.

Hades: MMMHHMHMHM!?

Hecate: What, you are apologizing, at a time when I was about to discipline you? How amusing. And now you are questioning who I truly like? *Turns to everyone* LEAVE.

(Everyone goes a step back… Yeah, that's all the distance they need)

Hecate: Now, you…

(Hades shivers)

Hecate: My heart is given to not any commoner, but one of great honor and of noble birth. A man of great intelligence, strength and skills. One that can look up to anyone of any class. And he is…

(Drum roll, guys!)

…

…

…

**SAIN!**

…

…

Everyone: HUH?

Hades: Mmh?

Hecate: Oh, you have never met him before. He is a man of-

Hades: Mmm mmm, mm mmm-mmm mmmmm…

(Suddenly, a great Bone Dragon pins her to the table, it's jaws around her head. Hecate comes closer and whspers into her ear)

Hecate: Insult that man, and I will tell you to suicide, and after that, I will take your head and mount it on the top of my bedroom. Even if you are the Ruler of the Infernal Realm, I am your controller. I am your overlord. I am the one who will gain Sain's heart first, not his 'beloved', disgusting, pompous Spade.

Everyone: -_-…

Hades: O_0…

(The bone dragon disappears, leaving Hecate and Hades)

Hecate: Now, start pouring soup on your face…

Everyone: =_=… _She is a pure-bred Yandere…!?_

Shawn: *Sleeping*

Miss: Uhh… Can we eat, now?

(And so, kids, on that day, Hades found herself in the hospital, people now know that Hecate will kill to be with Sain, and Shawn was super depressed… Well, that was until the new event, that is…)

* * *

><p>Shawn: WHAT!?<p>

(Shawn is next to the entrance of the Kingdom Castle, with Leviathan. He has a picture of the new Fantasy Archwitch on his hand)

Shawn: SHE IS YOUR TWIN SISTER!?

Leviathan: Y-yeah, well, that's what Livvy's mom said…!

Shawn: Holey macaroni! *Looks at picture* She's a beaut!

Leviathan: *Starts weeping* B-but what about Livvy? Isn't Livvy beautiful anymore?

Shawn: Ah! No, I mean, you both are beautiful, but you are better! Just as long as she doesn't give me as much problem as you.

Leviathan: S-so Livvy's a problem child, now?

Shawn: N-no! That's not what I meant!

Leviathan: S-so, what do you m-mean?

Shawn: W-well, I mean…! I mean… I MEAN… … … Meh?

Leviathan: *Starts… slithering away, I guess?* WAH! YOU HATE LIVVY NOW! I HATE YOU, SISTER I NEVER KNEW I HAD!

Shawn: W-wait, Leviathan! Dang it…

(Someone suddenly grabs his shoulder)

Pala: Come, my Liege! Let me wash your feet!

(She is actually trying to give Leviathan her own 'me time')

Shawn: H-huh!? What?! Wait, I need to speak with- WAH!

Pala: *Drags Shawn* Come, my Lord, let me make you spotless! Well, your feet, that is.

(And so, Shawn was dragged away…)

* * *

><p>(On the other hand, Hecate was forcing Hades to become her horse)<p>

Hecate: Charge, my stead of darkness!

Hades: Why are you so heavy!?

Hecate: QUIET! Now, let us go to the kitchen, so I can prepare a serving of Dragon's Head for Sain!

Hades: *Grumbles*

* * *

><p><strong>So how did it go with the 'Dreamy Destination' event, guys? I actually got quite a lot in this event. Got myself a HSR Circe and Leviathan Ex, and even HSR-ed my Ishtar, Yakshini and Lock Heart! And I also got a Matcha and Cirque de Luna… I must get a medal of good luck…! Oh yeah, I got quite well with my Alliance Battle. I'm quite proud of my Alliance's members. They all joined, and we pulled out 19 wins! Yay to us! Well, that ends what I wanted to say. Goodbye, and see you next time! Wish you the best of luck for the new event!<strong>


	39. What's behind that sunflower?

(Today is such a BEAU-TI-FUL day! The sun is high in the sky, and the sunflowers are all standing tall and facing the sun)

Sunflower: HEY READERS!

(Oh no, who brought the fourth wall breaker?)

Sunflower: Today's such a BEAU-TI-FUL day!

(Err, yes, I already said that… Oh wait, she can't hear me…)

Sunflower: On days like this, I like going into the sunflower fields to look for 'what's behind the sunflowers!' My tribe always does that! There's always bound to be something behind these long, stiff, tall stalks…!

(That sounded wrong… But okay. Later, Sunflower is looking through the sunflower fields)

Sunflower: Hmm, what's behind *Grabs stalk and pushes it* THIS ONE!?

(She sees Medb whipping Leananshee. Medb stops and stares at her awkwardly, while Leananshee keeps the pleasured face)

Sunflower: O_o…

Medb: Uhh… Wanna join in?

(After that crazy ordeal, she-)

Sunflower: You know what, I feel like someone's commanding me to take this yellow brick road… Oh yeah, the writer of this crazy work of fiction!

(Grr… Must keep calm and get her out of this chapter quickly. Later, she sits down at a bench, deep in the sunflower fields)

Sunflower: Hmm, is that Scarecrow? Oh, it is! Maybe I'll go and greet her!

(Suddenly, Yatagarasu appears)

Sunflower: Oh, Yatagarasu's here too? I wonder what the writer's thin- Wait, what is she doing? Is she transforming into a- OMG ITS A GIANT THREE-LEGGED CROW!

(Later, Sunflower continues roaming the sunflower fields)

Sunflower: Whoo… What was the writer thinking? Why is he giving me the weirdest events? Hmm? *Sees fire in the distance* HAH!?

(She runs to the fire's location)

Sunflower: Oh my Celestial Realm, the fire's so big! Oh no, sunflower! *Starts digging up sunflowers* Don't worry, I'll save you!

(The fire quickly spreads around, scaring her)

Sunflower: A-ah! No! I can't end like this! NOOOOOOOOOO!

(Suddenly, the fire disappears, and Illusionist is standing in the middle)

Illusionist: Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down! That was one of my illusions!

Sunflower: O_O…

Illusionist: … So, how was it?

Sunflower: YOU HEART ATTACK INDUCER!


	40. Sibling Love? Or Rivalry?

Shawn: What… is-glugluglugluglug- going on-glubglubglub- here…?

(Shawn is grabbing a tail and is being pulled around the ocean with it. His Valkyries are hot on his trail)

Thor: Argh, my lightning bolts can't reach that far, and I'm too slow to catch up!

Israfil: Should I blow my horn to save Master?

Thor: You crazy, that'll kill us all!

(Suddenly, a zip is seen in the distance, and it opens, revealing Fastener)

Fastener: Hmm, not here… *Goes back into zip*

(The zip disappears and reappears further away)

Fastener: Not here either…

(Then, the zip again disappears and bubbles start forming in the ocean)

Fastener: *Underwater* Blubglugblub? Glug…

(Suddenly, the zip reappears above Thor, and an overwhelming amount of seawater gushes out of it, causing Thor to be pushed down to the water)

Fastener: Oh, sorry, Thor! *Flicks starfish on shoulder away* Have you seen Master?

Thor: No, but you know what you'll see when this is over? Freaking lightning!

(Icarus appears beside Israfil)

Icarus: Don't worry, with my speed, I'll catch up to them.

(She starts flying really fast… But why the heck is she flying higher?)

Everyone: O_O…

(She suddenly starts plummeting down)

Icarus: *Bored tone* My wings melted~ *Splashes into water*

Thor: =_=… _This is the most broken team ever!_

?: Hey, inferior beings! Above you!

(Everyone looks up, and sees a SUPER HUMONGOUS ALIEN WARSHIP! Of course, Alien is on the helm, watching them. Oracle is waving down at them beside Alien)

Alien: Hmph, are you amazed by my empire's specially built 'Maverick' Classed warship, the 'High Empire'?!

Thor: Well, other than that, why do you need such a huge warship to come here? And how many floating islands did you destroy?

Alien: H-huh!? How dare you ask feeble questions while in the shadows of 'High Empire'?! This ship had a service time of one hundred and twenty four years, was captained by our empire's three greatest Admirals and was at the scene of twenty major battles, and you are still not stunned by its majestic Alinalium body?!

Israfil: Well, first of all, we don't know the history of it, okay? And second, MASTER'S GOING FURTHER AND FURTHER AWAY!

(Sure enough, Shawn is now nearly out of sight)

Alien: Well, do not worry, my Warship will get them!

(The warship starts moving, but suddenly stops mid-flight)

Alien: Err… What?

Thor: Why aren't you moving?

Alien: Well… It seems that the warship collided with an island. I put it to super-safe mode, so if it hits anything, it will stop completely…

Everyone: ...WHAT!?

* * *

><p>(Further away, Shawn is still grabbing the tail)<p>

Shawn: Gah, need to get to the other side!

(Repeatedly tap the square button)

Shawn: WHAT KIND OF QUICKTIME EVENT IS THIS?!

(Slowly, he climbs the tail, and nearly loses his grip, but eventually gets to the torso)

Shawn: HAHA! I got you!

(He suddenly tugs the blue hair that keeps getting on her face. They suddenly stop, shooting Shawn into the water a few meters away)

Shawn: *Resurfaces* PUAH! *Gasp* So… You stopped!

(The person is not surfacing…)

Shawn: Uh… Hello? Hell- *Suddenly flies into air* OOOOOAAAAAAAHHHHH!?

(The tail suddenly wraps itself around him, and he is suspended in the air)

?: YOU!

Shawn: Huh?

(A Leviathan lookalike appears from the water)

Leviathan Ex: What's the meaning of this!? Why did you tug my hair!?

Shawn: O-O… *:D* _So beautiful and pure...~~_

LE: HEY! LOOK AT ME WHILE I'M TALKING!

(She starts shaking Shawn)

Shawn: AAAH! Please STOP, I'm feeling SICK!

LE: So what!? That's punishment for being a pervert! Crawling on my tail like that?! Touching me all along my body!

Shawn: Okay, now that sounds really ho- *Gets dunked in water*.

LE: Shut up, you disgusting human! I hate you! I hate your disgusting hands! I hate people like you!

Shawn: Wait, you sound *Gets dunked* *Gets pulled out* Familiar! Are you really *Rinse and repeat* L-Leviathan's sister!

LE: *Shocked* W-what!? L-Livvy's here!? In the Celestial Realm!? I-I can't believe it!

Shawn: Believe what, exactly…?

LE: W-well, me and Livvy were separated one day during a storm when I was a child… And I never saw her again after that…! B-but, if she's here, can you lead me to her! I promise you I won't attack you again!

Shawn: Uh, well… I-

(Suddenly, Icarus lands right beside the two, surprising them. She then floats up, her back on the water)

Icarus: *-_-* My wings melted again… Oh, hi Master…

Shawn: Uh, hi?

Icarus: Oh, the others are coming also… They look ready for a war…

Shawn: *Notices something in the distance* Huh?

(Suddenly, Thor, Alien and Israfil are coming to him at full speed, their eyes burning with anger)

Thor: YOU COWARD OF A FANTASY ARCHWITCH! I WILL MASH AND FRY YOU!

Alien: SO WHAT IF MY WARSHIP CAN'T GET YOU! THAT JUST MEANS I HAVE TO GET YOU PERSONALLY!

Israfil: Meh, I'm just following them, but GRAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Shawn: Uh, you guys can stop now…

Everyone: Huh?

(They all stop in front of him, and are confused)

Shawn: Well, you see, we talked a bit, and-

(Fastener suddenly appears and grabs his waist)

Fastener: Don't worry, Master! I'll get you back home!

Shawn: Huh?! Waitwaitwait, I was going to ex-

(Fastener then pulls him into the zip and closes it)

LE: O_O…

Everyone: =_=…

LE: Uh…

Thor: Any time now…

(Shawn suddenly falls into the water from the sky)

Fastener: *Somewhere in clouds* Oops, sorry!

LE: Uh…

Alien: This happens every day, if you wish to know…

LE: Oh… I understand now…

* * *

><p>(Later)<p>

(Leviathan is in her room, holding onto a cushion filled with water. Tears are streaming from her eyes)

Leviathan: Wuu~~ Master is soooooo mean! She likes Livvy's sister-Livvy-never-knew-she-had more than me!

(She squeezes her cushion so hard that it burst, drenching her with water)

Leviathan: O_o… *Starts crying* WAAAAAAHHH~~~! EVEN PILLOW HATES ME!

(The door suddenly knocks, and she crawls on the floor to get it. When she opens the door, her tears start flowing out to the hall, drenching Shawn's feet)

Shawn: Livvy!? How long have you been crying!?

Leviathan: A-ah, M-Master! G-go away! *Starts closing door*

(Shawn quickly tries to keep the door open)

Shawn: Wait, Leviathan! Please stop, I'm sorry for what I said! Please!

Leviathan: *Sniffles* G-go away, I-I don't want to see y-you ever again!

?: *Behind door* Then what about me?

(Leviathan suddenly recognizes the voice, and stops trying to close the door. She opens it instead and finds Leviathan Ex in front of her)

Leviathan: A-ah-!

LE: Livvy, it's really you! *Starts tearing up*

(Leviathan suddenly slaps her away)

Leviathan: GO AWAY, YOU MASTER SNATCHER!

LE: WHAT THE HECK, WHY DID YOU HIT YOUR ELDER SISTER AWAY?! HAVE SOME RESPECT!

Shawn: Uh, what?

(Oracle appears in the distance with documents in her hands)

Oracle: Master, the Council gave us Leviathan Ex's details! And what are those two doing?

Shawn: Don't ask…

(The two are now squabbling… Shawn starts reading the documents)

Shawn: Oh… *Face of disbelief* _Those two were rivals when they were kids… EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE NOW…!_

Leviathan: MASTER IS MINE! AND YOU ARE NOT MY SISTER!

LE: HEY, THE ELDER SISTER COMES FIRST! AND TO CORRECT YOU, I AM YOUR SISTER! YOU JUST FORGOT, YOU IDIOT!

Shawn: What the heck are you guys complaining about now…?

**You have gained the SR-class Valkyrie 'Leviathan Ex'**

* * *

><p>(Even later)<p>

Hecate: Done! My River Styx stew is finished! I hope Sain'll like it!

Hades: Does it look like he'll even like your cooking?

(After that, Hecate force-feeds Hades, who is crying because of the bad taste of the stew)


	41. To RISE In an Alliance Duel

**Sorry for not being around for so long. My mind's being preoccupied with a new story that I am personally trying to finish. Yes, it's gonna come out in this site, but there might be a LONG delay before it will come out, seeing the excessive amount of description I used inside (All from the inspiration of a little book called Silas Marner (If you don't know that book, then you don't know literature)). Well, to finish this, time for the next installment of VC: Mishaps in the Celestial Realm!**

* * *

><p>Guy with a Mask: What… Happened…<p>

Shawn: Don't ask me…

(Shawn and another guy (He's wearing a mask because duh) are reviewing the Alliance Battle results, and because of their failure to win, they are now staring in shock at the bad score they have)

Shawn: Everyone's gonna look down on us…

(Miss and Oracle burst into the room)

Oracle: Milord, there are messages of threat directed at your alliance!

Miss: These guys are looking for revenge for their past loses to you!

GwtM: Oh no, what're we gonna do!?

(Sain suddenly jumps into the fray)

Sain: Daremoga Spade-chan no shoyū-ken no tame ni watashi ni chōsen shiyou to shite iru!

Shawn: English?

Sain: Everyone's challenging me for the ownership of Spade! And she's actually okay with them!

GwtM: You don't say.

(Suddenly the Leader of the Alliance, Ian (You know, from my other fanfic) appears)

Ian: Darn it, everyone in my Kingdom is thinking I'm a weak, fat man now!

Shawn: STOP WITH THE NEWS!

(Everyone becomes silent)

Shawn: Yes, I know you have death threats and all, so how are we going to stop them? Hmm? Well, *turns around* *Demonic tone of voice* Let's bring the tables turning…

(Everyone starts grinning with malice, agreeing with what she said...)

* * *

><p>(During another Alliance Duel…)<p>

Guy: Oh, we're up against the ex-strongest alliance in the Celestial Realm.

Other Guy: How did they demote?

Guy: Well, heard they actually sucked, so they started blundering and they dropped down quite far.

Othar Guy: Then this is going to be a piece of cake.

(Suddenly, a loud voice speaks to everyone in the Celestial Realm)

?: The Alliance Duel has started. Get to your position.

Guy: Okay, let's go!

(When they reach their arena, they are startled to find their defense team trashed and their attack team cowering in the corner)

Other Guy: Wait, what happened?!

(In the middle of the arena is Shawn and his Valkyries, his and the other Valkyries' backs facing the two. He slowly turns his head, showing a wide, devilish grin to the two)

Shawn: Don't mess with us…

Both: O_O… Oh no...

* * *

><p>(With their newfound motivation and strength, they tear through the Alliance Duel)<p>

2nd Duel results=

Guy: HOW DID THEY WIN US BY ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND POINTS?! I THOUGHT THEY WERE THE WEAKEST ALLIANCE OUT THERE!?

6th Duel results=

Guy: Dude! Get up, we still have other duels coming!

Other Guy: No… Please… Stay back… GET AWAY, I AIN'T AFRAID OF USING THIS SPOON ON YOU!

9th Duel results=

Guy: O_o…

Other guy: o_O…

Both: *Starts puking*

15th Duel results=

Knight: How is this possible? My whole team, destroyed… HOW!?

Alliance Leader: Calm down, I haven't seen the results ye- *Looks at results* O_O… *Suddenly rsised from chair* HOW!?

19th Duel Results=

Therapists: I've seen many scared looks from creatures and monsters alike, but I've never seen *moves to the side* that kind of look…

20 Patients: HOW!?

23th Duel results=

(There is an image of a tombstone stuck on a wall)

…

…

…

Guy: *Passing by* I hope no one tried committing suicide after that Alliance Duel… HEY, LEADER, DON'T!

* * *

><p>(And so, the Alliance of El Biscuito gained 23 victories in their last Alliance Duel, and they shot back to the top. No one tried sending threats after that…)<p> 


	42. And the Legend Continues

(Shawn is sleeping in a pile of written papers)

(SUDDENLY LOUD DOOR OPENING SOUND! (KABOOM!))

Oracle: SIR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? Why are you in bed, and why is your bed made of paper now?

(He suddenly wakes up)

Shawn: Wuah~? *Drunk voice* You tryin' to tell me somethin'? NUH UH, you ain't tellin' me nothin'…!

Miss: What happened to Lord Shawn, sis?

Oracle: I-I do not know. I believe he is in a trance…

(She turns around, but suddenly finds Shawn right in front of her)

Oracle: AHH! Milord, what are you-!

Shawn: You~! You are ~berry~ bootiful~! *Swaying drunkenly*

Oracle: *Blushes* W-what?!

Miss: Shawn, what are you-!

Shawn: Shut up, you vixen~!

(He suddenly sways forward, and his face lands in between Miss' breast)

Miss: *O_o*…

Shawn: But at least your bewbs~ are better~~~!

Miss: GET OFF! *Kicks him away*

(He flies away, and crashes into a wall, destroying it, leaving him in a pile of rubble. After some time, he suddenly wakes up, sober and with his gravest face)

Shawn: AND THE LEGEND *Puts on sunglasses* CONTINUES…

* * *

><p><em>Next July, don't miss the new Valkyrie Crusade: AND THE LEGEND CONTINUES Movie! With non-stop action that will stop every five seconds for thirty minutes flat, clichéd lines that make no sense at all and make the character look stupid and sound stupid, one-liners that actually make sense for its context (HOLEY SHEET!), women on the beach but not in bikinis, Santa Claus, a key, your mom, a cameo by the Director M. Morning Shamalot, a donkey dunking, a woman who was Taken, full-time actor Ground Willis, Barak Obama, Rosy Raichu, and a chicken-<em>

**Chicken: I'm just a guy in a suit, you know…**

_You will be glued to your seats! _

_No, seriously, we will put glue on your seats. _

_In theaters 25 July, SOMETHINGSOMETHING_

* * *

><p>"<em>This sucks…" - Your Dad. (Five Stars)<em>

* * *

><p><em>Welp, I'm back from what it seems to be an eternity. My personal stuff hasn't been finished yet (I'm only 75% done), but I hope you guys continue showing your support (Oh wait, this ain't youtube) by coming again and again to my fanfic. PEACE.<em>


	43. HOHOHO Merry Thanksgiving

Shawn: You know… … You know… IT'S FREAKING CHRISTMAS! **WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

Miss: *In pajamas* Keep it down, will you? It's 12 midnight, and you're two days off the mark. Christmas is two days later.

Shawn: *Stops partying with streamers* What? **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

**(And that was the story of a man's Christmas)**

…

…

**(It's not over yet, is it?)**

* * *

><p>(It's a snowy day in the Kingdom Hall, and Shawn is waiting in his room, looking out the window, dressed in a coat made of fur)<p>

Shawn: *Points at coat* It's fake *:D*

(Suddenly, a girl hanging on Christmas lights crashes in, surprising the Lord)

?: Ow, I shouldn't have let go…

Shawn: W-who are you!?

Illuminatia: You forgot about me, Master? *Stands up, and bows* I'm your new Valkyrie, Illuminatia. And didn't I introduce myself to you just yesterday?

Shawn: *In deep thought* Illuminatia…?

(Suddenly, images start flying around Shawn's vision)

_**Wait, illumination… Lights, lights create something for the eye to see. Eyes… Ultraman has eyes, and certain Ultramen have a Color Timer in the shape of a triangle. Triangle… Eyes… illumi-**_

Shawn: **ILLUMINATI!**

Illuminatia: EH!? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS AGAIN!?

* * *

><p>(Alchemist, in her Christmas wear on a sleigh, suddenly crashes and loses all the stuff behind)<p>

Alchemist: *Recovering* … Forever useless… .

**Alchemist Ex**

**SR (With R-rank Valkyrie stats)**

**Skill: Runaway Sleigh**

**She runs away from battle, increasing morale of the enemy (Increasing attack and defense by 100%) and also leaving you to die. 100% Chance**

**Max Skill: Attack and defense increased from 100% to 1000%. Chance rate from 100% to passive effect.**

**Second Skill: Just Alchemist**

**Santa Oracle found out that this X10 damage card that is ruining her best Santa clothes is just Alchemist. She now deals ¼ of her damage to all archwitches, Oracle and High Pixie (But she mainly forgets High Pixie: 25% chance of skill not working on High Pixie).**

**Number of Procs: Infinite**

**Availability: Coal Ticket (For all the bad kids of the World): 100% Chance to Obtain**

Alchemist: YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO THAT FAR! *D:*

* * *

><p>SM: Hello, m-my name is S-snowman M-Magnet, a-and I n-need your help…<p>

(Snowman Magnet is recording herself with a camcorder. She is hiding in a room)

SM: I-I have been in here for t-twenty days, no food *Suddenly munches on a slice of pie*, n-no warmth *Starts adjusting fireplace with stick* a-and no company…

(Snowman MK-II suddenly appears on screen, tied on a chair with her snowman on another)

Snowman MK-II: I'm still here, you know, and it's not even been twenty days. It's only been an hour since I came into your room for… some stuff…

SM: SHUT UP, YOU MONSTER!

SMK-II: My robot is not even attracted to you! Although I am… *Blushes with embarrassment*

SM: *O_o*… *Turns back to camera* I m-might need to e-eat the beast b-behind me for d-dinner tomorrow…

SMK-II: Don't you dare!

SM: Oh what if I WILL!?

(Suddenly, the door is knocked open by snowmen. Snowman Magnet retreats to the back of the room, hugging the tied-up Snowman-MK-II)

SM: OH NO, IT'S THE END OF ME! *Closes eyes, and starts chanting some stuff* Herestheseasontobejollyfalalalalalalala!

SMK-II: Can you just untie me? Your hug is... Stimulating...

SM: You're just a kid!

(The snowmen close in, trapping the two)

SM: IYAH!

SMK-II: Why am I even here?

(Suddenly, the snowmen are swept away- slowly- by Chimney Sweep)

CS: Can all of you get out, please? You're making my job a lot harder, and snowier… Oh, and Snowman Magnet.

SM: H-huh? W-what?

CS: Please go outside *:) *

(She kicks Snowman Magnet out)

SM: No, NOOOOO! *Sees snowmen in distance* PLEASE, HELP, THEY'RE GONNA EAT ME!

(Inside, Snowman MK-II and Chimney Sweep are having a relaxing cup of hot chocolate)

CS: Well, at least I can relax now…

SMK-II: Yup *:)* *Notices sound outside* Do you hear something?

(Snowman Magnet continues knocking on the door, before being swallowed up by a horde of snowmen. R.I.P. The Snowy One)

* * *

><p><strong>In the World I live in…<strong>

Valefar: *Snow all over body* It's cold… My butt's cold, too…

(She is in the middle of Christmas Town, alone, tired, and really hungry)

Valefar: HOW DID I LOSE THAT IDIOT!? *Walks down road* I can't believe he left me, the demon temptress?

(A sudden gust of cold wind stops her in her tracks, and she begins to shiver)

Valefar: It's s-so cold…

(Valefar turns a corner, but finds Illuminatia fixing a few lights)

Valefar: Hmm… *Does not recognize her existence* *Walks away* … … … WAIT, WHY ARE YOU DOING HERE?! YOU WEREN'T IN MASTER'S TEAM TODAY!

Illuminatia: I'm just here to fix a few lights. Can't miss any out before the Christmas show, right?

Valefar: Humph, w-well, do you have a-anything to keep me warm? I lost sight of my group while I was… um… borrowing things.

Illuminatia: Well, I don't have much, but I did bring *Pulls out extra pants* an extra pair of pants!

Valefar: Why do you h-have an extra p-pair?

Illuminatia: Well, you know, the usual things.

Valefar *O-O* Are you s-sure that'll k-keep me warm?

Illuminatia: Well, with what you're wearing now, yes.

Valefar: J-just give it to m-me! *Snatches pants away* At last!

(She begins to put on the pants, but finds that her butt is too big)

(On the other side, Shawn and his group are traversing the DANGEROUS town)

Shawn: How in the world did we lose her? *Turns around* GUYS, SPREAD OUT HERE!

Everyone: OKAY!

(They all disperse, while Shawn looks around. He looks behind the house the two are at, and…)

Shawn: What?

(Valefar is trying her hardest to pull the pants up, much to Illuminatia's dismay)

Valefar: Come… on… I'm not fat!

Illuminatia: C-careful! You might rip them!

Valefar: SHUT UP, I KNOW WHAT I'M DOIN-

(The pants rip)

Valefar: *O_O* …

Illuminatia: *O_O* … Oh, hey, Master *:D*!

(Shawn nosebleeds, and faints)

Illuminatia: M-MASTER!?

Valefar: WHY DOES IT HAPPEN EVERYTIME HE SEES MY BUTT!?

_**This is why, kids, don't steal. Or else you might die of a very dangerous nosebleed.**_

_**And you'll also go to jail, face social discrimination, be thrown tomatoes at, spat on, beaten by your inmate, and get executed.**_

_**Merry 'Easter'**_


	44. I Quit (Playing, of Course)

I'm bored…

Guys, I've officially **UNNOFICIALLY** quit VC. I might come back for old times sake, but for now, I have no intentions to play VC. DON'T WORRY, I'll try and continue these short transcript stories, but I might not be doing quite well. School and all that, you know? Well, to kick it off, here is a transcript of a rant-slash-review of Valkyrie Crusade. P.S. some parts are biased, and should be taken as an opinion… Oh wait, this is the damn internet…

* * *

><p>(Scene shows Shawn holding his phone, sighing while he is sitting on a chair in a white room)<p>

Shawn: *Sigh* *Takes deep breath* *Deeper sigh* *Takes deeper breath* Valkyrie Crusade…

* * *

><p>(SUDDEN RANDOM INTRO THAT YOU CAN MAKE UP)<p>

Shawn: Valkyrie Crusade, or VC, if you're lazy with your mouth, is a card-collecting game made by Nubee. You know, the company of puns and sexy ladies. The game focuses on you collecting powerful –or stupidly sh*tty- 'Valkyries' to help you battle against enemies. Valkyries have health that is regained through using resources from your Kingdom. *Sudden serious face* Yes, you have a KINGDOM.

(Shows gameplay footage while Shawn continues)

Shawn: Your kingdom is basically the heart of EVERYTHING. Buildings that give you resources, buildings that cut away the resources NEEDED to heal your Valkyries, buildings that give you an additional slot for Valkyries in your party, buildings that sell freakin' swimsuits for them too. *Suspicious smile* No, I'm not joking… Hehe…

Truthfully, the Kingdom system makes the game a very unique gem in the card-collecting genre. Because of this, the game is quite a step up other games when you compare them, which is also why it intrigues so many players that accept the style of gameplay. The resource system is quite a pain at first, because they make TOO LITTLE every hour. It's like a factory making toys; you want them now, but you better wait, or else they'd make you a steaming pile of metal, plastic and cotton. You just have to be patient. AND I KNOW NOT MANY OF YOU ARE PATIENT.

Valkyries can be acquired through summons- *Places hand on face* *Sighs* And this is where the problem arises. You see, there are a number of 'ranks' a Valkyrie can be classed in. The Normal rank, the Rare, then Super rare, then HOLEY SWEET JESUS, ISH DA ULTRA RARE RANK! We have many different kinds of summons. The normal summon is the lousiest, because it always guarantees a normal card- one reason to jump off of a building *:D*- while the Premium summons say 'F you' to those- *Starts praying* Thank you, my Lord, for this beautiful day- but has a high chance of a Rare card, which, late into the game, really sucks. You can still get Super Rare cards, but you'd better surround yourself with four-leaf clovers, lucky horseshoes, rabbit's foots, a Leprechaun, the God of Fortune, and other lucky sh*t to get them. Oh, you want a UR from the premium summon? Well, you better ascend to the rank of God before you even get the freaking chance, but even that still gives you willy-nilly a chance to get these elusive f*cks. Ultimate summons… Oh no, please no… Just *Suddenly rises from chair* I'm going out…

(Camera starts moving, and Oracle's voice begins to speak to him)

Oracle: Wait, my Lord, we are not done-

Shawn: *Holds hand up* *Silent for five seconds* Do you ever think there's more to it than this? I think so… And I ain't wasting my time on this… *Turns head away* I-I can't… Not today… I'm going out for a McDonald.

Okay, I'm back from eating Big Macs and stu- *Notices 'Ultimate Summon' screen* *O_o* … … … *Starts barfing* BLAR-

This, this is a nightmare for every player in Valkyrie crusade.

(Shows Shawn cowering in bed, with an Ultimate Summon screen outside his window, tapping the window)

US screen: Hey there, kid~ Why don't you let me in? *Sudden licking noises*

Shawn: MOMMY!

First of all, you have an 11% chance of getting an SR. YAY *Claps hand* but here's the problem: you need an Ultimate summon ticket for it. And how do you get them? 120 Maiden tickets! And how do you get them?

(Shows Shawn looking at a phone, frightened)

You get 10 every premium summon…?

*Deranged face* L-look, I ain't joking here. See, I press this button *Presses premium summon button*, and I get ten. *:D* … *Suddenly breaks phone out of rage*

The biggest problem is that Premium summons use tickets too- their own kind, of course- or THREE HUNDRED JEWELS. One hundred jewels is one dollar. Three hundred is three dollars… THREE DOLLARS FOR A 'R' CARD?! BULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

I tell you, Nubee is out for you wallet!

12 times 3, equals your whole bank account's worth of cash! And this is advertised as a game for 12 years old and older…? HOW IN THE WORLD DO YOU EXPECT 12 YEARS OLD TO GET TEN MILLION DOLLARS!? This is just a cheap attempt to earn money, and it sucks really badly. I mean, if it was one hundred jewels, I'd be the happiest man in the world. Two hundred? Well, that's acceptable. THREE HUNDRED? If you got an SR, you'd be satisfied. UR? Well…

(Shows a younger Shawn in his dark room)

Shawn: *:D* Hope I get an SR today.

(Suddenly gets UR)

Shawn: *O-O* MOM GET THE CAMERA-!

At least everytime you fail, you get a ten percent increase for a chance of an SR in your next Ultimate summon. That, at least redeems it. But Ultimate Summon tickets are rare as a gate to Hell-

(Shows picture of the VC 2 Map)

Oh wait, that was EASY!

And premium summons are as rare as freaking Witch Gates-

(Shows Witch Gate discovery screen)

Oh wait, that was a LIE!

Every once in a while, there are new types of Summons, like the Flip Summon, and other sh*t I don't dare put my money on. AND THEY ARE ALL STUPID. All of these exclusive summons need jewels, and some have multiple stages! HOW DID NUBEE F*CK THIS UP SO BAD!? Some exclusive Valkyries are in them too! They are just dangling f*cking food right in front of your faces, enticing you to take a freakin' chunk off of it. But wait, give me ten dollars please?

The game gives you something of a storyline. In the first 'OFFICIAL NON EVENT MAP', you are just stopping some force that I don't even remember. In the next map, you are stopping Hades from conquering the entire CELESTIAL REALM. Wait, what about the Gods? Are there even Gods to begin with!? Have I been told a lie? HAS MY OWN LIFE BEEN A LIE!?

Valkyrie Crusade is laden with events. Everytime an event is over, which I could say is about two weeks or even three at max, a new one takes its place, giving the game a brimming amount of new content- and I mean collectible cards… Not very fun, am I right?- and keeping players in. But the game by itself is extremely repetitive. It's just you, in a new map, beating the sh*t out of Archwitches- I'll get to that later- and winning the stage to get your small bounty of jewels. Not enough for Premium summons, of course. Because the play style is always the same, it just makes the whole game itself dull, and that may be why so many players leave VC altogether; because there is no variety to the game at all. Whoa, they're boasting that they got 5 million players? Well, I'll bet ten million dollars, that one quarter of that number literally quit the game as a whole.

On to the Archwitches. Well, now this is spicing up the game. Archwitches are enemies encountered in the event map, and every time you beat one, you gain Archwitch Hunt Points, and the Archwitch gets stronger as you beat them more and more. The ranking system details how much points you have and how much more you potentially need to get to the top 100, where you get some AWFULLY good rewards. This is one good point of the game, because I found myself replaying just to fight Archwitches. The bad part is the fact that Archwitches drop their own cards. VERY RARELY. It's close to impossible to get one unless you're lucky after your 100th kill. And the Fantasy Archwitches are no different. Yes, everyone wants them, but what is the difference between their card and the other normal Archwitch's? If the Fantasy Archwitch were, say, a UR, of course you can go Archwitch Hunt frenzy on them. Go, my trusty dogs! Bite their huge butt and bring them back to me! Not in body bits, okay; ELSE I KILL YOU AND EAT YOU FOR DINNER. I have to say, Fantasy Archwitches at least give you a freak-ton of hunt points that you will really indulge in if you're looking for a rank.

Witch Gates are another problem altogether now. First of all, you find a Witch Gate. You go in, and what'd you know? You waste SEVEN vitality every step, and each Archwitch battle allows you to use a maximum of two additional battle points to power up your troops! Okay, because of the high usage of Vitality, you need shoes. And the battle points? You need swords. Two things you can buy. YES, THIS IS ANOTHER CASH-IN! IT'S NOT AN ARCHWITCH HUNT RANK ADVANTAGE; IT'S YOUR WALLET LOSING ALL THE GREENS! AND YOUR WALLET AIN'T HEALTHY WITHOUT ITS GREEN!

Personally, the Alliance Duel killed me… so horribly. The Alliance Battle is basically a fight between Alliances. It's all about you beating the enemy and gaining Alliance battle points for rewards and ranking. This part, I thought was good, because you have five Alliances to choose against, it promotes everyone in your Alliance to play- nowhere making any efforts for real teamwork- and it's accessible any time! That got me hooked to the Alliance Battles. And then the Alliance Duels came.

(Shawn is now sitting outside, playing his phone)

(A speck of black stuff lands on his phone, and it suddenly reacts with the electronic)

Shawn: WHA…?

(The Alliance Duel screen comes up)

Shawn: *O_o* DAMN YOU GODS!

The Alliance Duel put me off so badly. First off all, it is now in set periods of time. In certain hours, nonetheless. You only fight one Alliance now, and you have to beat that Alliance in points to gain extra rewards? The first Alliance Duel was a disaster. Server maintenances and no notification of the time when the freakin' Duels were to start. I found myself the only one there. And because it is so focused on being victorious against the other Alliance, you can't help but buy Alliance Rods to fuel your Alliance battle points. I was an idiot that time. Because of the Alliance Duels, I could never upgrade my castle until now, SEVEN MONTHS AFTER I STARTED SAVING! And cash players- the snobs you find in this world with money in their B***s- always win. I once went into this Alliance Ultimate Duel- another variation where you fight against four, or was it five, other Alliances for the 'flag'- where I have six of my other friends playing. We got 60 K points. The winner had 100 K. And it had all been accumulated by not five, not six, but ONE PERSON! ONE! ONE! MOTHER F*CKING ONE! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? ONE!? The old Alliance battle was a leisurely thing. Get point, get rewards. There was no such things as competitive play. The Alliance Duels and Ultimate Duels gave a slap to the face to every player who even touched it. It just leaves a bad bruise in your gaming heart. Heck, I think I'm internally bleeding now…

This is the whole problem of VC. It's too expensive. TOO EXPENSIVE! YOU HEAR ME WORLD, TOO EXPENSIVE! No gamer likes a game that is 'Pay-to-Win'. This game is like the freaking embodiment of that. It's like the ghost of my grandfather appearing into the living. You just don't want that. You want your granddad to be back in his coffin, enjoying the afterlife, not coming back to this sh*t known as reality. And here, you want those money-grabbers out of your games, and back home to do a REAL PROPER JOB instead of being hated by the whole gaming community. Nubee is really stepping up its game when it comes to money, like the new Event featuring FIVE Archwitches! Now that's a run for your swords.

The game… I just personally hate it now. I still love this fanfiction, but the demoralization of it all just put me off from updating. The game has denied all forms of justice I can try to give it, and I can't continue playing anymore. I'll try and update anytime that I can, but for now, I'm creating a new spin-off featuring another character long forgotten after I deleted my other larger fanfics that I found myself too lazy to do. I hope you have a nice day, and Happy belated New Year. Hope you continue playing VC if you see fit, or maybe put it down for the year.


	45. The Valkyrien Mini Story 3

**Just a spurt of motivation to write this. Not my best, but it's passable :P**

* * *

><p><strong>MINI STORY 1<strong>

**Don't Wake me Up…**

Sleeping was nothing new to the silly man on the pillow, seeing how he slept for about ten hours every day. But perhaps he had been sleeping for too long. One year too far…

Shawn: (Waking up) Urgh… What happened…?

…

Shawn: (Blinks awake) Where am… I?

(His eyes find themselves staring into Dream Pillow's eyes. He blinks. She does too. He finally notices that he is sleeping on her pillow, placed on her lap)

Shawn: Uh, how long have I been sleeping?

DP: *:I* …

Shawn: …

DP: (Pushes Shawn back on her pillow)

Shawn: !?

(Warm Milk suddenly appear from behind the bed Dream Pillow was sitting on, and pours her cup of milk on to his face)

Shawn: !?

* * *

><p><strong>MINI STORY 2<strong>

**True Story Time**

(Many years ago…)

(Shawn is discussing with his friends outside the Alliance Hall. Their Alliance Leader, Yami, appears from the distance, and they quickly break up and stand at the side of the entrance)

Yami: Dude, what're you guys doing?

Sain: *Excited* Have you heard, Shawn got a UR!

Jordan: *Blankly* Impressive… I guess.

Yami: HOLEY SHEET! What was it, man?

Shawn: A Valkyrie named Uranus.

(Sain begins to snicker, while Jordan continues keeping a straight face, though his grip on his walking stick begins to tighten, while his lips curl up slightly)

Shawn: She's- like- the coolest UR you can get right now! I'm so lucky!

Yami: So, you're the first one with a UR in our Alliance? Damn, son. You lucky~! Come on, (Opens door) we'll go in and celebrate!

(The two quickly enter, leaving Sain and Jordan behind)

Jordan: He does know we're joking… right?

Sain: Hey, it's a prank, okay?

Jordan: *Nods once* Truly an interesting form of development…

(Many hours later…)

(The four are now in Shawn's Kingdom, in his castle hall)

Yami: Where is she? I wanna see how cool she is.

Shawn: Ok, ok. She's in the toilet.

Yami: Oh, we'll wait, then.

Shawn: She won't come out, though. You have to go in. And even then, you need to do some ritual.

(Sain and Jordan begin to snicker… Yeah, even the blank slate is giggling)

Yami: Okay…? So what is it?

Shawn: You need to turn your back to the mirror in the bathroom, and pull down your pants…

…

…

…

(The two behind Yami begin to laugh hysterically)

Yami: YOU PIECE OF-!

(Now…)

Shawn: Oh… My… Gods…

Sain: (Mouth opens in shock)

Jordan: (Sips tea)

(Yami is on the entrance, with his new Valkyrie)

Yami: Uh, guys… Meet… *Swallows Dignity* Uranus

(Jordan spits all his tea on the person at the other side of the table, which is Shawn)

**Remember, kids. Take care of Uranus. She might be the only one. You lose her… Well, you face the consequences of awkward stains here and there, I guess. Or no stains… Oh, human biology**

Uranus: What does that mean!?

* * *

><p><strong>Mini Story 3<strong>

**WHERE ARE MY BOOBS!?**

(It's a beautiful day (courtesy of Teiaiel) in Shawn's Kingdom. Jordan's visiting his Castle, and they are now sitting down at Shawn's private Dining Room)

Shawn: Sooooo… You finished drawing those maps of the new Event areas, yet?

Jordan: Of course. I allotted most of my time last week to the task. (Sips tea) Now tell me, have you been collecting all those new Valkyries?

Shawn: Uh, yeah? What'd you expect?

(Suddenly, Alchemist barges in)

Alchemist: I LOST MY BOOBS!

Shawn: OH MY GODS! (Slams hands on table, and rises from seat) WE NEED TO FIND THEM! ESPECIALLY ME! QUICK, CALL OFF EVERY SEARCH PARTY ACTIVE RIGHT NOW! I'LL FIND THE PAIR MYSELF!

Jordan: Uh, I don't think he'll return them…

* * *

><p><strong>I'm still working on my SG fanfic, so don't go celebrating my return, yet. It's nice to be back, though... Not in the game, that is. In writing this.<strong>


End file.
